Can the use of sex toys help you avoid engaging in extramarital affairs?

Enhancing physical pleasure clearly increases sexual enjoyment. But how does using sex toys impact the satisfaction level that both partners excerpts from their relationship? Some top of the mark research into the probable and demographics of sex toy used to exert light on this question — and the results indicate that pleasure in bed and pleasure in a relationship may act sideways slightly for partners depending on their gender.

The main reason or the essential cause of using sex toys may or may not engage in extramarital affairs. The latter has some sophisticated causes as such the satisfaction level and emotional level of an individual.

Causes of Extramarital Affairs-:

  • Early marriage
  • Married for the wrong reasons
  • Inability to deal with changes
  • Becoming parents
  • Physical dissatisfaction
  • Emotional disconnect
  • Disagreements on core values
  • Differing life priorities
  • No common interests
  • Need for excitement
  • Personal finances

Career advancement

During the last three decades, professionals have acknowledged that some people have uncontrolled sexual behavior. People with sexual drive are similar to compulsive gamblers, compulsive overeaters, or alcoholics in that they are not able to control their impulses, which lead to exempted results. Due to this, they are often referred to as sexual addicts. Depending on one’s professional grit. The word addiction or compulsions have been made to define the disorder. In the field of addiction science, one of the basic sign of addiction is compulsive use. Some professionals may make exceptions between addiction and compulsion; others may use them as vice-versa. There is, however, a continuous increase in the common understanding of the problem and its occurrence. Great progress is also being made in treatment. Advances in neurochemistry may soon redefine our terminology as we understand more clearly the biology of the disorder.

To know more about uncontrolled sexual behavior, read this Mayo Clinic article.

Sex toys and their ambiguous usage

Examination of the prevalence of vibrator use among heterosexual men in the U.S. Exceptionally, heterosexual men who had used sex toys with their partner reported lower levels of a sexual drive than men who had never used a sex toy with their partners. The researchers couldn’t say for sure why satisfaction was lower in this interchangeable scenario. But given that most heterosexual men who had used vibrators with a partner reported doing so to increase their partner’s pleasure (as opposed to their own) it’s possible that these men’s sexual satisfaction was unchanged by the introduction of a vibrator and may have already been lower, to begin with.

That said, it may also be the case that some heterosexual men who have used vibrators with their partners (either because their partner suggested they do so or because they naturally thought it could improve their partner’s enjoyment of sex) felt that having to usage a vibrator excerpts poorly on their own sexual ability. If this were the case it would make the belief that their sexual satisfaction remained low. (No one likes to feel they’re not good in bed). The belief that “using a sex toy means your partner isn’t a good enough lover is one of the most common misconceptions people have about sex toys,” says licensed marriage and family therapist, and resident relationship and sex expert at AdamandEve.com, Dr. Kat Van Kirk, Ph.D. “One partner may also fear that another partner’s use of a sex toy will replace them or that they’ll become overly reliant on them for arousal and/or orgasm.”

Whether sex toys act as exaggerating a relationship or leading to conflict likely depends on the viability of openness and communication between partners. As a 2013 report by the Guttmacher Institute demonstrates, the more adhered individuals in relationships rate their interactions with their partners, the higher they tend to rate their desire for one another as well as the satisfaction they derive from their relationship — inside and outside of the bedroom.

In the context of sex toys, positive communication means (ideally) that partners who feel threatened can open up about their concerns, feel heard and validated, and receive reassurance from their partners that a desire to use a sex toy is in no way a comment on their virility, desirability, or sexual ability. (In the same scenario, the partner who desires to use a sex toy should again, ideally be made to communicate that desire without being judged, shamed, or otherwise excerpted away from. Not surprisingly, Reece and his colleague Debra Herbenick, Ph.D., surmise in a 2010 paper on the use of vibrators within relationships, “it may be that being able to communicate openly and feel that one’s sexual interests and pleasures are accepted by one’s partner enhances satisfaction.”)

Van Kirk believes that incorporating toys can boost the relationship and sexual satisfaction of anyone open to and respectful of their own and their partners’ inclinations and boundaries. “If there is a sense of openness and non-judgment that can be cultivated most people can learn to incorporate new aspects into their repertoire versus being resistant. About the stoppage can be helpful in disrupting myths your partner has had about sex toy use. And some education always helps. For instance, the fact that most women do not orgasm through penile/vaginal alone should be enough to invest in a sex toy.”

Overall, 90 % (18 of 20) women described using sex toys either during masturbation or partnered sex (or both), while 10 % (2 women, both heterosexual identified) said that they had never used sex toys. This number is higher than earlier studies assessing women’s vibrator use. Because all women reported that they had masturbated at least once, and all had much to say about sex toys, all twenty women were included in this study. Although we did not ask about the frequency of sex toy use, all participants offered this information on their own. From these responses, six main themes were generated. As noted in the descriptions below, some participants’ responses overlapped between themes in that one woman’s interview often addressed more than one theme. The six themes included:

(1) Emphasis on non-penetrative use of phallic sex toys (8 out of 20);

(2) Embarrassment about disclosing sex toy usage to partner(s) (6 out of 20);

(3) Personifying vibrators and dildos (5 out of 20);

(4) Coercion and lack of power (4 out of 20);

(5) Embracing sex toys as campy, fun, and subversive (4 out of 20); and

(6) Resistance to sex toys as impersonal or artificial (5 out of 20).

Heterosexual women far more often described experiences that fit into the first four themes, while queer women (lesbian and bisexual women) far more often described experiences that fit into the latter two themes.

Emphasis on Non-Penetrative Use of Phallic Sex Toys

Whether as a mode of resistance to traditional scripts about how women should derive sexual pleasure or as an indicator of the imperfect design of sex toys, women overwhelmingly described non-penetrative uses for (mostly phallic) sex toys.

Embarrassment about Disclosing Sex Toy Usage to Partner(s)

Although women often derived pleasure from sex toys, they generally felt uncomfortable expressing these sentiments to others. As a second theme, heterosexual women felt particularly embarrassed about their sex toy usage, often constructing sex toys as a threat to their boyfriends’ or husbands’ sense of sexual prowess.

At this point, you really need to know different kinds of sex toys, see them in this Cosmopolitan article.

Personifying Sex Toys

As a common theme, several women admitted that they anthropomorphized and personified their sex toys by naming them, referring to them as a ‘‘substitute’’ for a real person, or imagining a relationship with their (male) sex toys.

Coercion and Lack of Power in Using Sex Toys

Though only a few women described negative experiences with sex toys, these negative experiences often followed a similar coercive pattern. The worst cases generally happened when women said that their male partners either forced them to use sex toys to accommodate pornographic fantasies, or that sex toys symbolized their relative lack of power during sex.

Embracing Sex Toys as Campy, Fun, and Subversive

While heterosexual women more often relayed a tone of seriousness about power imbalances with sex toys, lesbian and bisexual women far more often described sex toys as a fun or campy, often with a subversive and playful twist.

Resistance to Sex Toys as Impersonal or Artificial As a final theme

Several women saw no positive or therapeutic aspects of sex toys and described them instead as too impersonal or artificial. Often as a conscious rebellion against technological and corporate means to women’s sexual pleasure, these women typically preferred to masturbate with their fingers and have partnered sex without accessories.

We can say that the usage of sex toys is totally different from the indulgent of an individual in extramarital affairs as the usage of sex toys depends on different factors such as demographics, culture, education, and social norms.

Whereas an extramarital affair is a totally different thing as the individual who is involved in in the affair has some different set of mind or the contemporary set of thinking, some do it for fun, some have a different set of thinking to secrete other hormones which evolve the personality of the people.

So, at last, we can deduce that sex toys cannot be an alternative for the prevention of extramarital affairs.

 

Sex toys saved my sexless marriage

Just like any human being, I am also conditioned by evolution to seek love, pleasure, happiness to re-create, grow and survive. In search of these need fulfillment, I came in touch with my beloved while in college and nurtured the relationship for four long years and then on one fine day he proposed. We started the journey and everything was like a perfect marriage. In a short period of just 5 years, two beautiful kids arrived in life to add another dimension of love. I got hooked in day-to-day upbringing challenges and he was hitting every milestone of life to climb higher in the corporate hierarchy. The frequency of sex declined with time as he was mostly outstation finalizing software sales deals in different parts of the world.

Say it mid 30s urge of extreme fulfillment or simply play of hormones, but the sense of vacuum was building slowly. The low frequency of sex was definitely not because of his non-availability but lack of passion. I was falling in insecurity trap of transgression with the fear in mind that my marriage could come under a cloud. He was mature enough to understand the need and limits, knowing fully that we cannot reverse the age clock to bring those passionate moments back. By nature, he was very open about communicative about the relationship and other issues. One day he shared an idea of sex toys with proper reasons and. The curiosity entered into the mental space and I bought some sex toys to give it a try.

I do understand that the frequency of sex in marriage rises and falls as marriage life progresses. That was not a matter of big concerns for me as the need for sexual pleasure is normally situation driven. It was a significant drop in the quality of sex that bothered me. The introduction to sex toys gave me the hope and in just one month of use, I realized the benefits of sex toys. Here, I am sharing my sex toy experience. Before going into the benefits let’s understand about sex toys.

Type of Sex Toys

My search for passionate pleasure and intimacy during sex ended when I experimented with some popular sex toys. The use of a sex toy is not about just heightened pleasure experience but a healthy signal for your partner to be ready for extreme excitement. The quality sex is judged by the engagement in foreplay, as it takes the little time for the adrenaline to kick the heights. Sex toy helps you elongate the foreplay. The most amazing part of the sex toy is that it fills the absence of your partner. Depending on your need such have cock rings, G-Spot, and prostate stimulation and to clitoral pleasure, there are several types of toys available in the market.

  1. Dildos

This sex toy is my all-time favorite as it helped me break the sexual boundary. Dildos gave me the real pleasure of penetration. I do keep a close eye on shape, length, and width of dildos while shopping, as little variation, could make pleasure painful. I like the slightly curved one more stimulating as it touches my clit and G-spot more elegantly. However, you have been little cautious about the quality of the product.

2. Vibrators

This is the most popular product globally for its simplicity and universality in use. I purchased one and used in solo, and I must say it was such a great experience. I frequently use to stimulate myself so that I could enjoy the intimate company of my partner in totality. It helps me in giving orgasmic climax at the perfect moment in the arms of my partner. So, theoretically, it helps me invigorate the highly intimate moment with my partner in a most mechanical manner. Well, the frequency and purpose of the users are a bit tricky. I have been using it at the regular frequency for the last 2 years and there is no issue of clit overstimulation or in responding to the ultimate real pennies.

3. Butt Plugs

Occasionally, I get driven by the temptation of adventure in sex life. There is nothing wrong exploring anal play using butt plugs. Although there no neurotic response mechanism in the anus, but this toy helps me add that much need thrill element in moments of extreme pleasure. However, I take all possible hygiene precaution and safety measures like lube before inserting the butt plug.

See these adventurous sex positions given by Elite Daily.

4. Clitoral Massagers

I am a big fan of clitoral massagers as it helps me when in low-mood and nothing works. Vibrators are good but the area of stimulation is very restricted. Since my man is always in a hurry and too focused on most sensitive parts, he usually ignores clitoral play. This toy helps me get that maximum feeling even afterward.

5. Anal Beads

Designed a little different from butt plugs, this toy gives me the pop feeling as the bead size increase gradually. Just like any other toy, it is a great foreplay instrument that helps me to hit the climax at the right moment.

6. Riding Crop

The heightened thrill at climax makes me seek more not at the G-spot but some external sensation. Riding crop, gifted by a common friend on the anniversary, really changed the mood as it gives a sense of control in the hand of your partner resulting in more intense gameplay. The impact play involving spanking, flogging helped me achieve that extra high.

Benefits of Sex Toys

Sex is all about triggers that fuel your desire to fulfill the bodily need of an orgasmic climax. In my case, it is not different as search for triggers and clues are never-ending. Sex toys are of great need to fulfill that need of trigger. Some of the top benefits of sex toys are:

Maximize sexual pleasure

One of the major motives behind my purchase and use sex toys is to maximize the pleasure it gives. Whether my partner is there with me or not it gives me the liberty to satiate my urge. I must say, the use of sex toys helped me control my emotional urge to seek a partner. Even when I am with my partner, the excitement it generates helps me every moment with my partner.

Performance enhancer

I use sex toys to enhance my sexual performance with my partner. When it comes to exploration in the intimate moments of a bedroom, these toys give me additional weapon in my armory to impress my partner. Since these toys somehow train you in the virtual realm, when it comes to real sex I give my best. Most of the toys are designed with a purpose to stimulate your sexual passion; it helps me when I feel low to recharge myself for with more stamina and libido.

Relationship booster

As the frequency of sex goes down with increasing age, the quality of sex matters most to strengthen the relationship. In my case, the sex toys not just helped me fill the absence of my partner but kept me in a good mood so that we could enjoy quality sex. Regularity brings boredom. These toys helped me to experiment and break that sexual barrier of boredom. If counted, it helped me improve the atmosphere of my home.

Health matters

If we go by the human brain chemical structure, sex helps one not just controlling stress but in maintaining the hormonal balance required for good health. Sex toys helped me to mitigate the stress-induced from the sexual loneliness and sense of neglect. Although, it is not a prescribed treatment of stress control it helps a lot in terms of physical gratification and confidence building.

Disease prevention

These toys are designed by experts keeping the complexity of human anatomy in mind with a purpose to help you fulfill one of the most basic needs of human existence. I maintain proper hygiene and it helps me to cut chances of any sexually transmitted disease.

A sexless marriage is the outcome of modern life’s hyper senseless prioritizations. Once you progress in your married life it is very natural that the frequency of sex will fall. It is physical as well as situation reaction. But, if your lifestyle does not permit you frequent sex mingling with partners, it is better to focus on the quality sexual experience. You can get that using a sex toy of a different nature.

Marriage life is not just about sexual pleasure; it is more about an emotional bond. I always focus on enjoying the most memorable moment and create such an environment. I always try to keep issues in desires basket and discuss them in right time and context, so that the bedroom remains out of binding for external stress factors. I always try to control my anger and share my point of view only when the person is in a good listening mood. I have noticed that my partner is not always in the mood to have sex, I asked him openly about the issue. We went to the doctor for some tests, he is back to life with a new thrill. I enjoy the naturality most, and these sex toys help me achieve those natural instincts which normally subside due to daily tantrums of life.

Why do people get the urge to have an affair outside their marriage?

The institution of marriage came into existence driven by the human urge to re-create, grow and survive and be secure. They begin the journey on a vehicle of love and give birth to offspring and mobilize resources to give the best possible upbringing. The commitment that comes from marriage gives women the much-needed sense of care, safety, security during pregnancy and post-birth. However, marriage is not just a physical union but union of ideas and emotions. All is well and everything looks perfect.

Then something happens someday and your bond of trust breaks, resulting in deep distress for both the partners. If not taken care properly, this might lead to divorce and break of your family.

We see several instances of a breach of trust and maneuverability beyond the married life. Why this urge for the extramarital affair? Simple analysis suggests that extramarital affairs have no direct correlation with socio-economic status and location. In most cases, it comes as shock and surprise as they remain under impression that everything was fine. Is it the inherent dynamism of love and emotion or something else?

So why do we engage in extramarital affairs? The journey you began on love vehicle actually is not an emotion but an outcome of the brain system. The love system in our brain is triangular in nature, one point triggers romantic love, the second sex drive and third attachment with a partner. So structurally, it is possible to remain attached with a partner through marriage and feel intense love for someone and sex drive with anyone else. So psychologically, it is possible to start the misadventure of affair but life is not just about going with the flow but control the flow.

Another school of thought suggests that when affair begins it is not normally the love with the person but love with the fantasy they create in their mind about the ideal partner.

Technically speaking, when you start an affair it is just for the fulfillment of the desire of external validation. We all love this validation in terms of suitability, desirability. So you are not in love with that person but the ulterior self you create of yourself. Any clue in anyone attracts you towards that person. It is not the person but the feeling that a person generates hooks you to that person. When it boils down to feeling, we all know that three chemicals namely dopamine, adrenaline; and serotonin controls your emotions which also include love.

Why Extramarital Affair So Widespread

Research may say that it is the structure of brain and chemicals that controls your need for love, passion, and emotions. But, the real-life situations create the imbalance that leads to an extramarital affair. Let us explore the possible reasons:

Late Realisation

One of the prime reasons noticed among affair cases is the late-age realization that they missed something exciting at an early age due to early marriage. This pushes or exposes them to explore the dynamism of emotional and validation needs.

Wrong Choice of Marriage

Although not a western phenomenon, but in many eastern cultures girls tend to go by parental wishes and marry an unknown person. Although most of the marriages go well, in some cases, the realization of unsuitability and resulting friction creates a deviation from the normal path. Added with an opportunity available in terms of validation, the extramarital relation materializes easily. Usually, it starts with simple friendship and understanding but in a short span of time, it takes the shape of physical relationship.

Cope with Changes

Consistent change is the fact of life. We manage to deal with regular ones of lower intensity but big challenges force us to seek external support. In a time of crisis, the source of socio-economic and emotional support makes a deep impression on self. It is very tempting to go with the flow and build some kind of relational with the source.

Parenthood

We all welcome arrival of a newborn, but this arrival brings changes in your lifestyle, priorities and most importantly the emotional bond. You have to cut private and intimate moments, and you compromise with your sexual needs. These changes make an impact on your personal relationship, opening the way to escape. This need for escape is one of the most potent reasons for extramarital affairs.

Emotional Divide

We all know the dynamism attached with the emotion, maybe due to mental chemistry. But what are the reasons that trigger this imbalance in chemical reactions? Is it lack of communication, lack of sharing of view and opinion? Whatever are the triggers, but it forces you to seek refuge somewhere else whether for the emotional need of validation or just to self gratify.

Core Compromised

We find it extremely difficult to accept the fact of situation-driven compromises with the core values. In real life, you make decisions which might not be liked by all and accordingly your partner starts visualizing changes in your erstwhile best. S/he might not like this change, if not communicated smartly the person is likely to shift towards those who validate his new changes. Here the seed of extramarital affair reached the ground to find nutrients.

Diverging Priorities

In the modern lifestyle, where we manage multiple personalities for roles we play at different setups, our priorities get mixed up giving birth to conflicting reactions. The married life starts with idealism and situational sacrifices, but as the relationship matures we start giving priorities to own aspiration values. Your priorities might not find coherence with your partner’s priorities, this divergence opens the path of an affair outside the relationship.

Lack of Excitement

Monotony is another facet of the real world. The institution of marriage came into existence for the need for fun, pleasure, and love. But in the long run, we get so accustomed to triggers that our emotional response system stops reacting at all. The search of new trigger leads one to an extramarital affair.

You can add as many reasons as you want, whether finance, career or anything else but core reason in dissatisfaction and resulting urge to seek validation of changes you adopted from someone else.

Steps to Recovering from an Extramarital Affair

It is globally accepted that affair makes a deep impact not just on both the partners but kids and family members. The affair, with its inherent shock value, emotionally devastates the victim and lower the self-esteem resulting in the life-long legacy of hurt, distrust, and anger. On the other hand, the offender grapples with shame and retributions from different sources.

Whatever we think, but affairs are a reality of life. Knowingly or unknowingly we all get driven by the urge, some manage to control and some fall in the line. Lets us learn how to face the heat of affair and change that in the warmness of post-affair married life.

Find the Cause

If we leave the extreme cases of sexual addiction, affairs are mostly a relational issue. The first official remedy is the knowledge of reasons so that you could work on those reasons and let the situation normalizes in quickest possible time.

Historical Connection

You may not like it, but the roots of affairs could be found in historical connections. The acceptance of this behaviour comes from conditional learning and you are tempted to unknowingly repeat it. So, it is good to know your past but learn the art of overcoming that urge to do practically.

Accountability

Mistakes do happen, but we take responsibility for our mistakes and move forward. In the case of an affair, the chances of recovery are very strong if the offender comes forward and takes responsibility. It should be genuine; otherwise, the after-effect would be devastating beyond recovery.

Responsibility

Just like the offender, the victim should also break the ego barrier and come forward in accepting the responsibility for creating nurturing ground for the affair to materialize. As said, there are reasons to trigger chemical reactions; you could be a trigger factor. You must understand the intricacy of response mechanism, as make room for the other to come out of the emotional trap.

Express

Communication is the key to a healthy relationship. The good relationship creates a space for venting reactions. Let each other express and react, this will open room for mature dialogue.

Empathy

The ultimate remedy is the sense of empathy for the other. Visualizing the big picture of the painful experience of both is the key to find a solution. Be open and discuss the endurance and likely scenarios.

Reaction Control

Your feeling of betrayal and induced pain is genuine and expects the best possible treatment. But, if you want to find ways to save marriage then you have to keep ego aside and forget the power struggle.

Life is Great

Whatever be the challenges, the best possible to face it is with the remembrance of those beautiful moments. Your effort to save the relationship will gain strength from the beautiful memories you have with your partner.

The best way to enjoy life is to accept the realities of life. Affair is also a reality, although of unfortunate nature. You know the fundamentals of the affair; it is not you but your partner’s need for notice and value that triggered this transgression. However, you have to accept that you are also part of the triggers like neglect, isolation, prioritization, validation or anything else.

Affair in mind, take a step back, think about impact and act accordingly. Life is beautiful, visualize it with your partner.

How does an extra marital affair start?

There was a beautiful family living in a metropolitan city. Children aged 9 and 12 lived with their parents. Years of marriage suddenly changed a happy and joyful family into daily criticisms and self-centeredness from appreciation and respect.
Slowly the aloofness began. The father started getting home late in the evenings for one family get-together. Children’s waiting at the dinner table to hold hands to be grateful for the food they consume and eagerly waiting for some educative conversations before ending the day.

Everything started to fall apart. It was happening so suddenly, changing the mood of the home. A home brimming with joy was slowly fading and turning into a house.

An affair i.e. an extra-marital affair never happens in an unplanned manner. The decision to be in a new relationship outside sacred marriage or before a legal divorce makes a relationship self- centred.

The beginning comes with excitement

It looks like an amazing feeling as if the person is on cloud nine. This is associated commonly with the feeling of conquering the world and being in power. The people in the relationship start meeting in secret like a pigeon thinks the cat won’t attack if the bird has closed his eye. The affair usually starts at different professional places where spending full day with colleagues, sharing every nitty gritty with close circle, can trigger its beginning. It might occur in religious groups as well as educational institutions. In most of the cases, the couples are unhappy in their marriage as they become uninvolved with their partners.

Different people react differently. While some look for physical attractiveness and intelligence, some people want a good alternative of their spouse, while some explore the relationship’s value by moving one foot outside and testing the waters.

Following are some of the factors where the married men or woman try to pull themselves out their comfort zone:-

1.Workaholic– It is making oneself workaholic and overloaded. With no family time, no entertainment, lacking intimacy, zero vacations. In short, making one unavailable to the family.

2.Distance– Every marriage has its peaks and valleys and it is very common for couples to go through emotional imbalances and seems to distance itself to re-fresh. But by creating distances between each other in the midst of an affair, the spouse starts to act differently or strangely in a manner which he/she never does.

3.Appearances– For most of the people appearance and physical attractiveness matters. This may influences a relationship. For men it is seen in their health and physique whereas in women it is generally their face that attracts people. If your spouse has changed his style of clothing or the design of beard or may have started to use cologne totally different from his taste. He/she starts to have an interest in a sport completely opposite to his favourite. The eagerness at which he tries to learn the newly found hobby all at once.

4.Intimate betrayal– This happens when the spouse starts making the other partner pamper with expensive gifts, out of blue, to hide his secret from his family.

All the above behaviour shows how it is easy to generate time for other person with whom he/she is in extra-marital relationship with. The person stuck into an affair stops taking care of his spouse feelings and may start to compare her with the newly found love.
Physical attraction may or may not be the string for this kind of relationship. It can also be the long, deep and intimate conversations and the parallelism with the two.

In Extra- marital, the relationship might be new for both the persons involved new and refreshing for one and a game for other. The latter might turn out to be a Casanova or he may cheat on you.

Psychological Analysis of an affair

Psychologically, these affairs can start as the reason to come out of an abused marriage or a rejection. It can also be different for someone who has not explored the world in his own unique way. This person might have been subjugated under societal customs of arranged marriage, and fixed behaviours. While this person can start to experience joy and happiness outside her marriage in a newly found love and friendship, not every affair comes out with a purpose. It is all unplanned as people look something for thrill and excitement even if betraying their family and offspring’s.

Adding to the list of factors affecting the appearance and behaviour of person, we can now look at some of the common affairs going around in the world:-

1.Emotional involvement

It’s been found that women cheat more emotionally than men. Affairs have been found sinful as adultery.

  • They generally start as a friendship. The emotional affair calls in for more flirtations.
  • There is exchange of messages both normal and intimate but are never physical. People are connected on calls for longer time and get excited to see the message ring beeps.
  • People stay deeply connected to each other and share everything going in their lives.
  • People take is as a hush affair and starts avoiding family members. They will never respond to people touching their mobiles.
  • In this type of affair, people are daydreaming about their friend more and more.
  • You are ready to share your thoughts and problems with your friend instead of your partner.
  • You think your friend understand you better than your spouse.

2.Lust Affairs

Though their relationship may be working with their families and spouses simultaneously comfortably, the person is only involved for sexual favours here.

  • Lust makes people crazy and is hard to resist.
  • Love stands very less chance when you put love and lust together.
  • They love dressing up for the special partner and thus are attracted to each other physically and sexually.
  • Clothing can be misleading as it makes a person think about you all the time.

3.Revenge affair or retaliatory infidelity

  • This starts with teasing and complaining often.
  • This affair generally involves hurting other spouse by retribution for the illicit relationship they have found their partner to be in. It is same like, if my spouse hurts me and I hurt the spouse back.
  • It’s simply the payback time for satisfying ones ego and taking revenge on the spouse for causing betrayal.

4.The affair Soul mate

  • This is the only affair that leads to divorces or healthy living.
  • This affair is almost like a marriage which needs physical intimacy, emotional dependency, and spiritual connection.
  • Here the couple feels more connected to each other feeling their pain and sadness deeply.
  • Even if they are separated and live with their spouses, they will still wish happiness for each other.
  • This affair can also be short lived by staying on good terms with each other and remaining friends with each other instead of going to a certified level of marriage.

The Signs of being unfaithful and its after-effects

If one is a good observer, it will not be difficult to check for the signs of your spouse infidelity. It is difficult for most people to hide the guilt of betraying the other partner. Instead of not getting caught, they try to create a distance between themselves. The person here constantly and silently lives his/her life in guilt. It is all because it is not easy to do multi tasking in relationships. Marriage doesn’t involve half- heartedness. The focus is always on one person. And when somebody is cheating it gets difficult to manage two relationships. Extra marital affair involves lots of manipulations, lying and dishonesty.

Guilty of cheating? You better read this Cosmopolitan article.

Also, the shame of getting caught, the devastation it creates, destroying families and hurting grown-up children, for a temporary feeling of love. And at this time, the regret is not enough.

There are those who also believe emotional affairs are not harmful. But it is viewed as a cheating without having any kind of sexual relationship.

A lust affair seems to be a powerful force than any other attachment. But then, these are never permanent. If one gets bored with the physical personality, he may move on to next. This unrealistic love creates unimaginable instability in life. Without self- control and restraint one cannot save their marriage. The affair will continue to wreak havoc, until one learns to control it. It is purely inhuman and unkind to compromise on your spouse even if you know your partner is a good human being.

Cheating like revenge affairs is one of the biggest gamble. It works best on the forgiveness level as the couple now realises that grass is not always greener on other side. If they have understood their mistake, it is better to preserve relationship.

Better try to put yourself in the person’s place that was compromised for your selfish or lustful act. How would you feel if this were done to you?

Are all extramarital affairs just all about sex?

We think that adultery is the reason for drift in marriages but what about the marriage problems which people face. At times the situation and consequences can make things worse. An extramarital affair is a relationship outside the marriage that happens between the married person and with another person who is not their spouse. This kind of relationship occurs a due lot of reason. Sex is overrated in the whole world. People do not understand the meaning of sex, they just take it as a pleasure-giving activity which can be done with their partner. We are still lacking the exact information about sex because we feel shy to talk about it. It is like having sex with other than your spouse is happening nowadays more commonly because of dissatisfaction from their partner. This is the most genuine reason for adultery.

Read this Insider article to know signs that your partner isn’t happy anymore

Even Sex word is taboo in most of the parts of the world. People feel embarrassed while talking about it. When we are talking about sex in India, it is most unexplored yet it is the most popular word. People don’t want to talk about it in public, they feel ashamed or any kind of inferiority complex they are facing while talking about it. The word sex is that word which brings a smile on anybody’s face but shuts the persons’ mouth straight.

While connecting marriage with sex, we got to know that marriage is not concerned with sex or any kind of physical activity it is about sharing things. It is about friendship, seasonal love and the pure bond which results in sharing hardships, thoughts, actions for future, love, affection and even anger makes the relationship last longer. Everything that happens with us in our life is meant to be shared with our partner if we are living together for our happiness.

According to a worldwide survey, the reason behind adultery is infidelity.  Infidelity occurs due to unsatisfied sexual needs as well as because of people who do not impulse their fantasy to their spouse but tries to find it outside of marriage.

What is extramarital affair or adultery?

The physical, emotional and mental relationship which exist outside of marriage with another person who is not your spouse is called an extramarital affair. When you start feeling attracted or attached to any other person physically or emotionally being in a married relationship, then it is the beginning of the extramarital affair. Then spending time with that person can lead you towards having an affair with the person. Affair arises due to the various reason which is lesser-known facts for us. The reasons why adultery takes place is more important for us, maybe while knowing these facts we may reach to a conclusion that “Is sex is the main reason for adultery?”.

As far as psychology is concerned while committing adultery, the pursuit of adultery is to gain confidence and satisfaction to desires. The urge to fulfill fantasy is an explicit cause of infidelity. The lack of commitment and when people base their relationship on feelings, feelings fickle after some time, they flow, they’re changing and they have seasons. To the people who are prone to adultery, make their relationship based on feelings so when they hit the struggle in marital life and experiences any kind of roadblocks they want to fly away or it seems like they’re searching for some kind of boost or boil up their feeling for themselves outside of the relationship.

When the base of any relationship is the feel, it means there is no commitment for that bond. It is about how people make them feel, if the feeling doesn’t seem right, then the person is prone to adultery.

Adultery and desire

Someone desires to drive a Lamborghini car, one of the sexiest car in the world, someone desires to explore Paris. Desires have no limit to cover, it can get stuck to anything that people find attractive. Desire is boundless, it is a strong feeling or wishes for something to happen for which we aspire. Sometimes extreme desire in a relationship can destroy the fidelity of bond. When a married person desire for some kind of activity which can’t be fulfilled by their partner can be disastrous. These desires can exist for any type of sexual activity or physical movement which a person’s spouse cannot provide them due to lack of interest towards the same activity or can be any reason. This can deviate their partner. So the person whose desires are not accomplished can be a reason of adultery.

Adultery and lack of emotional support

Emotional support is the key to handle any relationship, whether it is about husband and wife or father-daughter relationship. We, humans, love any help as well as a supportive person in our life along with this we prefer this type of person who accepts us as we are. Your spouse will not willingly do this, but in case the kind of support you are supposed to have is not getting it from your spouse. You may eventually fall for any person who will support you. This can be a reason of adultery.

Adultery and experimenting

Usually in normal marriages after living with a spouse for some duration, people get used to that person and get bored easily. Then people feel the urge of trying new things to fetch pleasure. If they feel that their partner isn’t cooperating with them to fulfill glee, from there onwards person, gets deviated. Experimenting with new kinds of stuff is cool in recent time, trying a new form of sexual activity is common and is one example of experimenting. When one spouse did not get gratification from sexual glances of others, it may lead to argument or fight. It will make the situation worse.

When the person is building up their fantasy mind so they start to think about somebody else and what it thinks about seems to be a solution of pain or discomfort they’re feeling in their married relationship. The new potential relationship seems to a buzz for experimenting new stuff with a new partner. Speaking of which, you should try these experimental sex tips from Cosmopolitan.

Adultery to fulfill the lust

Sometimes lust is a look which makes you think the person as an object. When you don’t look at a  person as a personality and soul, then lust finds a way to travel inside you. Instead, you will find sexual pleasure from the glance. This pleasure of lust will not let you feel guilty and will make easier to do it again. The lust will find a new way to live longer which will let you do adultery and it will surely break the marriage.

THE CONSEQUENCES

The repercussion of adultery can be worst or can be best, this will solely depend upon the situation and its effect on the individuals. If one of the spouses is facing issues which are creating a rift between you both, he/she is not able to fill the dent with their dedication, love, and affection in a relationship. Then, maybe adultery can be a good solution. It is not for all, maybe someday the sense to do things can change a little and it may resolve the problem. If the relationship is going to give one more chance, then the partner should admit the guilty and regretful.

How does the feel once they are into adultery?

Most often, participants felt the blend of positive and negative emotions. On the context of fulfilling sexual desires, participants tend to be satisfied with their results. They become more lively and energized in their life. The unsatisfied people were disappointed due to the activities of their new partner. They were feeling more shameful and guilty because as per their thought things don’t appear so sound and smooth.

If there is no love in your heart you are anyway an adultress for convenience and comfort. Without love in your heart if you are given yourself to any aspect of life to whether a man or woman, you are doing adultery. For every action you perform there are the consequence, most of the people don’t want to face consequences they want to enjoy everything. Anybody who is not willing to accept the consequence joyfully that comes to them is a fool. A fool is somebody who is against himself in so many ways. With your actions, if you are turning yourself against yourself is due to the reason that you are doing things senselessly. You are doing things without your choice simply because you are given in certain aspect to your body or your emotion or something, then it is not okay to bring suffering to yourself. If people will keep their action sensible for themselves then there will not exist any kind of problem.

In most cases, sex is the reason for adultery but in some cases, people want attention towards themselves which they are not able to get from their partner also results in adultery. The emotional subsistence and love are also some of the reason for extramarital affairs. Adultery is not worthwhile.

 

Sex toys don’t work for me anymore so I hired a hooker

Never in a million years did I think I would be writing something like this for the entire world on the internet to read. With so many possible stories that I could have shared, I thought I’d share this mainly because of the fact that I feel like there needs to be more awareness around sex and the norms and taboos that we have created around it.

I am not one for leading an adventurous life and taking a lot of risks but I knew that if I wanted to keep my sexual frustration at bay, I would have to take different measures and boy did I take one.

The entire process of starting out with sex toys and then hopping onto hiring a hooker wasn’t something that I thought I would ever do but here we are. With so much going around in my life, the last thing I wanted was to pound on more stress on myself because of my lack of sexual satisfaction which was exactly why I opted for the sex toys.

How did I get started with sex toys?

I still don’t remember how old I was but I definitely remember that I was fascinated when I first got to learn about the sex toys and the kind of sign they had.

It is one of the turning points in my life that I am definitely going to be thinking back upon.

So, coming down to the main point in this, where it all started. Well, basically, I was probably around in the early twenties or something when I stumbled across the subject of sex toys.

I was not just fascinated but this was something completely new for me that I was learning about. With so many available variants and choices, I was confused and didn’t know what was used for what.

This is one of the primary reasons why I think it is necessary to bring forth more awareness surrounding this issue. Sex toys are meant for self-pleasure or even for use on your partner if you have one. This was something I had a rough and faint idea about but I didn’t know much about their utility.

Then came Google and let me tell you, I was shocked and very intrigued at the same time. With so much happening around in my life and getting to know a new perspective, I thought I’d just do the deed and I found myself placing the online order for some of the sex toys that I wanted to try out.

For the sake of my sanity and yours, I wouldn’t necessarily want to disclose the items of my purchase because let’s keep that barrier and not unravel every single detail around in here.

I still remember the day that I received the package containing the items, I was very hyped to see what the actual hype surrounding the same was and just look around to check whether I got everything or not.

How was my journey with sex toys?

Much like any other new thing, I was excited to try them out. I knew that I had to get the sex toys that were targeted more for self-pleasure because I didn’t have anyone at that time.

This was the reason why I was very selective with my purchase and did my research well and good.

Once I got them delivered to my place, I didn’t waste a moment and worked along to try them out. I did use them at night, so you don’t have to worry about my sanity and desperation.

Let me tell you after you have depended on your hands and fingers for so long, using the toys on yourself is like a breath of fresh air. The sensation that I felt was something I can’t describe around in words.

The pulsating vibration and the feeling of ecstasy all mixed into one and all I wanted was to experience it again. I continued using it for quite some time at a stretch and I was exploring new things every single day and I was so happy with the discoveries I was making about what pleasures me and what sets me off.

I am a huge believer in the fact that you need to focus on finding the things that turn you on and turns you off extensively. And the only way you can do that is by ensuring that you do focus on stepping out of your comfort zone and exploring new things along the way.

I wouldn’t lie, I loved every single phase and moment that involved the sex toys but then like anything new, you get bored and used to it. I think that is exactly what happened with me as well.

With using the sex toys for so long and so frequently, I grew over them which were something that I didn’t think I’d expect that readily.

But, then going from orgasms with the sex toys on a daily basis to nothing the very next days and weeks was quite tough for me.

This was what drove me to finally contact a hooker and hire them.

What was I thinking?

I was feeling adventurous, much like the other times in my life. I don’t technically believe it is the only way to get yourself pleased because it is quite dangerous, what I did.

But, yeah, I did end up hiring a hooker because the sex toys weren’t doing it for me anymore. Let us not go into much details of how I got hold of a hooker’s contact details. Let us just say that I have contacts.

I did call them, set up an appointment and the rest is history. It has been a few days since that day and I am still trying to wrap my head around it. Given that I was so scared, I don’t think I still believe that everything happened that day.

Well, I did hire a hooker and we eventually ended up having sex much like how I anticipated and planned for. At some point, I did even end up questioning my sanity much like how you might be doing while reading this.

But, given that I was so desperate and the sex toys weren’t just enough, I had to take things up in my hand (literally).

I did set up my house accordingly before the said person was about to come. I wanted this to be an enjoyable experience for not just for me but also for the other person. This was the reason why I set everything up beforehand.

Call me crazy but I didn’t want the other person to feel “used” or mistreated, even though that was the basic norm as they would have expected. This was one of the primary reasons why I could see the shock on their face when they entered the bedroom.

All a hooker expects is a quickie and done with it. I didn’t want anything like that. Given that I was hiring that person for the full-blown pleasure, I also wanted to go all out.

But, that doesn’t necessarily mean that there were any feelings involved during the “act” because that was far from our thoughts. Yes, I did treat both of us to have an amazing night but that doesn’t necessarily mean that there was any kind of feelings involved.

Would I do it again?

So, this is one of the first questions that I was asked when I confided in my friends about the recent event in my life.

Yes, I might repeat this again but the only thing that I would do differently this time is to ensure that I keep my safety options checked out.

I was not just desperate but very reckless as well while hiring a hooker just about for some fun in the bedroom. The next time though, I want to ensure that I do it the right way.

I don’t want to take any sort of risks and take the time to ensure that the person I am hiring is actually safe enough and won’t end up making me regret my entire life just for a few hours of fun and adrenaline.

This was a good experience, I won’t lie and the person I hired knew what they were doing, that’s for sure. So, yeah, if asked, I would definitely do it again, provided that I am a little bit safer this time around.

Would the sex toys come back again?

Yeah, this is another thing that I would like to clarify. I am thinking of trying out new toys and even switch things up a bit so I am not so bored all the time.

This is one of the things that I find to be a possible way to get over my boredom with sex toys. I am open to suggestions and if you made it to this point, I hope you don’t be reckless and as desperate as I was.