Author: Sharon Dominguez

It should be no secret or surprise that the end of a marriage is potentially devastating. Not only is a divorce hard on the couple, but it is an incredibly problematic undertaking for the entire family. It’s crucial to observe and care for the children that are involved. 

Watching parents break up will be very painful and confusing for them. Remember that for a child, parents make up most of their world. Witnessing the two most important people in their lives walk away from each other can be cataclysmic for their emotional development.

Children that come from broken homes are likely to engage in delinquent and poor behavior due to anger and anxiety, as they feel caught in between the fight and the pressure they put on themselves to remedy the muddle or choose a side. Stress takes a toll on school performance, social connections, and confidence. Adolescents with parents that have split are also more likely to partake in risky practices like increased drug and alcohol use and early sexual activity. 

Research shows that episodes are particularly arduous during the first couple of years after the divorce, but steps can be taken to repair the damaging effects of divorce on children.

The Importance of Recovery

The struggles of a severed bond can cause tremendous mental harm and grief. Adult hearts will mend, eventually, but there should be a focus on helping children recover from traumatic divorce and the unavoidable hurt. Long after you’ve moved on, the repercussions from the severance can be everlasting for a child and the outlook of their future relationships.

You might experience bouts of depression and hopelessness as you enter a period of the unexpected. While you are already going through a tough transition and preparing for monumental changes in your life, bear in mind that like you, your children will feel the consequences of divorce. It is important to take all actions to bring your home to a place of healing and stability. Do not add more stress by expecting to perform miracles. Start by talking to your family. Feel no shame in reaching for assistance if needed to rehabilitate in order to find yourself again.

Here’s How You Can Help

Divorce is a common problem. So much so that many people may want to offer advice from personal experiences. For some moving on from a breakup is a matter-of-fact reality. Simple solutions, like time alone or reading, are enough for many. For others, it is not so easy. There is nothing wrong with seeking professional or psychiatric counseling to help take the best steps toward mental healing and life recovery. 

Do Not Sugarcoat the Problem

As you notice that there are many bumps in the road and you start to make pertinent decisions about your divorce and the future, it is wise not to sugarcoat the reality of the situation. Honesty is a healthy way of addressing major problems. This is especially true when children are involved. They are young but often much more aware of emotional turmoil than we realize. 

That being said, as confusing as relationships are for adults, kids need extra frankness, so they do not end up resentful from confusion, unanswered questions, and poor communication. False hope may seem considerate, but instead, it prolongs and exasperates matters. Being open might not make the circumstances less painful, but it will encourage your family to honor integrity and make it possible to channel frustrations in a sound manner.

Reconcile With Your Kids

As time moves forward, adults start to find their place in a divorce. Whether it ends peacefully or not will depend on each case. It is always important, however, that a serious attempt is made to make some accord for the sake of the children. Making amends is beneficial between partners and also required for the wellbeing of children. 

Reconcile with your kids. Make sure that they understand as much as they need to know to understand the end of your relationship. Unresolved concerns about ruinous family disputes can cause lifetime anger and anxiety. Even if the love part of a union is ending, the responsibilities of parenting are everlasting. So if nothing else is corrected, ensure your children are informed, and as can be with seeing their parents split. Do your best to remedy any hidden animosity toward either or themselves. 

Encourage Open Communication

It’s never too late to speak your mind. The finest way to heal a crisis is through compromise. Although it is no easy task, being open in your relationship and with your family is key to moving forward. Closed channels of communication might be the source of troubles, to begin with, so it is vital at this juncture to attempt to salvage any connections for the wellbeing of you and your children. As you come to terms with the end of your marriage, they will surely need a solid explanation of what is occurring within the household. 

How much you choose to reveal is subjective, but it is imperative that they feel fully secure in the bonds they have with each parent and that they do not carry the burden of the breach on their shoulders. Honesty is especially key with older kids that are highly intuitive and cognizant of their environment. Also, allow your family to express their questions, concerns, and opinions freely, without judgment. 

Let Your Kids Feel Emotions

It might seem easier to block out any negative feelings we encounter, but allowing natural emotions to emerge can be better than avoidance. The youth are very adaptable. They might seem completely well soon after a significant or traumatic experience, like witnessing their parents divorce. 

But repressed affections and deep distress are likely to resurface later and be more dangerous, causing an array of psychological instabilities, including debilitating insecurities and troubles maintaining healthy relationships. As long as those reactions are expressed in a respectfully civil and nonbelligerent manner, there is no harm in allowing your children to endure their sentiments. 

Surviving hardships eventually mold stronger and more capable individuals. Learn how to accept your own emotions and be there to guide your family as they figure out the changes.

Important Keynotes

Life happens. Sometimes love expires, and people decide it’s time to go their separate ways. While this is true, even in divorce, it should not be an option to move on from your kids, regardless of the condition of the pending or settled relationship. 

As parents, it’s key to find some area of pacification in the interest of the children. Remain truthful, yet be mindful in order to circumvent explosive, toxic arguments around vulnerable eyes and ears. Always remind them that, even during the most difficult of times, they are loved. Seek out family therapy if necessary and welcome all the support you need.

There are so many different reasons why you should try using prostate massagers. Aside from simply having a prostate, that is. In short, these toys are excellent for improving your health and helping you experience orgasms like never before. Let’ see how!

What is a prostate massager?

A prostate massager is a sex toy designed for men. The toy is able to stimulate the prostate, which can result in powerful orgasms. The idea behind anal stimulators of this kind is quite simple — by stimulating the prostate, you will be able to release excess seminal fluid and come hands-free. Healthy and fun!

Men who enjoy these massages claim that prostate orgasms are unlike any other feeling you can experience. The sensation is simply mind-blowing. If you are looking for the simplest way to experience it yourself, prostate massagers are the way to go, and their rising popularity proves it.

As for the toy itself, there are many different designs available on the market, but the general idea is the same. Since the shortest way to your prostate is through the rectum, these toys are often similar to dildos and butt plugs. 

Navigating through men’s g-spot

All this talk about prostates… There are still many people out there unaware of this gland, its purpose, and its location. So, let’s start from the beginning. 

The prostate is located just below the bladder, and the urethra is passing through it. It is a gland that has an important role in the male reproductive system. Namely, it is a major player in the production of seminal fluid. During ejaculation, males release semen, and the majority of the fluid that comes out is produced in the prostate. 

Now, since the urethra passes through it, your prostate has another role — to serve as a switch between ejaculation and urination. 

As we mentioned, the simplest way to reach the gland is through the anus, but you can also find massagers that don’t require penetration. You can also massage the prostate via the perineum, but the results will not be as impressive. 

If you want to start slow, you can always try massaging the perineum and working your way up. Once you get comfortable with it or wish to try something more, you can proceed to prostate massages. 

What else can i do with my prostate?

So, what can you do with your prostate? Well, you can do whatever you like with it. It’s your prostate, after all. But if you are looking for a couple of hints, we can help with that as well. 

Again, one of the simplest ways to experience pleasure is by using prostate massagers. As we mentioned before, these massagers come in all shapes and sizes, and you can even find models designed for massaging the prostate from the outside. 

If you are scared of putting stuff in your butt, you can always try non-penetration toys since they will give you a taste of what prostate orgasms are all about. When you start experimenting with prostate play, you will understand why so many guys are into it, and you will quickly wish to take it a step further. And the reason why is that it feels good. 

You can also try different toys like butt plugs since any type of anal play can allow you to orgasm. This specific type of orgasm can be quite powerful, and it is something that you need to try as soon as possible. Of course, if you aren’t against anal penetration, prostate massagers are the way to go. 

Utilizing the tool for a better orgasm

As men grow older, the prostate tends to grow as well. The main problem here is that it can narrow the urethra, causing additional health problems. Massaging the prostate can help with lots of health issues, including erectile dysfunction, enlarged prostate, bad urine flow, etc.

And this is just the beginning. Making sure that every part of your body works well will help you during sex. People willing to try prostate milking notice that they also have improved erections and richer ejaculations. 

You are probably aware that having frequent orgasms will reduce the risk of developing prostate cancer as well. But even if you focus solely on pleasure, prostate-induced orgasms can be incredible. And these are just some of the reasons why you might want to find an appropriate tool to help you along the way. 

Pay attention to your prostate needs

One of the best things to do is to listen to your body and pay attention to your prostate’s needs. Men often ignore them and think that there is no reason to do anything. 

The number one reason to pay attention to your prostate is cancer. Ejaculating will reduce the chances of developing cancer, and it will help you get rid of the excess fluid. 

But even if we don’t go as far as cancer, massaging the prostate can help reduce the chances of having problems with urination. As we mentioned before, an enlarged prostate can press on the urethra and cause additional problems like starting urination, weak stream, frequent peeing (especially during the night), and problems with emptying the bladder. 

This is one of the rare win-win situations where you can reduce the chances of health problems and have lots of fun. And yes, some men are still not willing to try anything related to butt stuff, but this is the primary reason why we mentioned massagers that don’t require penetration. 

Take action

There is no reason for you to wait and see whether you will have problems in the future when you can enjoy using many different toys. And even if you are perfectly healthy, using prostate massagers will feel amazing. 

The choices are limitless. Whether you want to explore anal sex, vibrating toys that can help with single-spot orgasms, or just good old butt plugs, there are so many toys to choose from. Just take a look at what we have to offer here: https://lovegasm.co/collections/massagers-prostate and give your prostate the attention it deserves. So, take action as soon as possible: massage your prostate, cum, and never look back!

The butt plug industry is growing by leaps and bounds. In fact, the anal plug toy space is one of those grand industries that have readily embraced the modern technological advances. In its essence, the modern butt plug is still the same. But the coolest part is, the contemporary butt plug industry has treaded miles to enhance these toys with more exciting features for a more convenient and mindblowing experience. One of the latest developments offered by the butt plug industry is expandable or inflatable butt plugs.

Expandable butt plugs have been commanding huge attention worldwide and for all the great reasons. Apparently the plug comes in the size of a small or medium sized plug but it can be inflated easily with pump to achieve a larger size. The mechanism is very simple here. You would have to insert the toy inside your anus and then pump it up to blow the toy into a larger size as it gets inside. It’s one of the most popular adult toys of late and there are plenty of factors behind it.

The post below offers a sneak-peek into the major reasons behind the huge popularity of expandable butt plugs today.

Less pressure on sphincter muscles

Anal plugs work to stimulate the nerve endings inside the anus that reward users with that desired toe-curling orgasm. A bigger toy means bigger pleasure- provided your body is trained to take in larger plugs. But, the point is not everyone is flexible enough to take in larger plugs. In fact, if they force in a bigger size inside, it puts huge pressure on sphincter muscles which could eventually lead to muscle and nerve damage in her anus. An expandable butt plug is a godsend here.

As mentioned earlier, an inflatable plug comes in the size of a small or medium plug. Given its decent size, it doesn’t put much pressure on sphincter muscle when you insert it inside. And that assures a painless and convenient entry. But, then, it doesn’t make you compromise on the joy of having a large plug inside. Put simply, inflatable butt plugs are the blend of the best of both worlds- easy size of small/medium plugs and pleasure of grand plugs. The bonus is your anal remains safe and comfortable.

Better pleasure internally

According to users of expandable butt plugs, these pumped up plugs assure more pleasure inside compared to regular butt plugs. When you inflate the toy, the latex bulb expands and touches every crevasse inside, contouring itself perfectly to caress each internal detail. It leaves you with the optimum “full” feeling that sweeps you to an earth-shattering orgasm.

More comfort during sex

It has been well documented that you will attain better orgasm during vaginal sex if you have a butt plug inside you. And with an expandable butt plug, the pleasure and comfort quotient will shoot even higher when you will engage in vaginal sex. Larger the plug gets (through pumping), tighter gets your vaginal canal, creating more powerful sensation down under. This soft inflatable toy concaves inward beautifully with every advancing penile thrust thereby preventing risks of uncomfortable poke or stiff pinch during intercourse. For the same reason, it would be great to have an expandable butt plug inside when you are in the mood to stimulate yourself with a vaginal vibrator.

Quiet and sophisticated vibration

A butt plug is great and when it comes with an in-built vibrator, the pleasure factor is even higher. The good news is most of these expandable plug toys that you will find today carry in-built vibrators inside them. Now, the mention of “vibrator” might make many people apprehensive given the usual crazy loud buzz we are already familiar. But, you don’t have such worries with modern inflatable butt plugs with vibrators. It’s because these toys are generally whisper-quiet.

The vibrator motor inside an expandable butt plug is covered with a solid layer. As you inflate the plug, the noise gets absorbed by latex bubble which leads to a sophisticated and quiet buzz. If you are apprehensive of using a vibrator because of loud noises, you should definitely try an expandable butt plug with in-built vibrator.

Top expandable butt plugs for you

So, you have a bunch of amazing reasons to embrace expandable butt plugs. You must be eager by now to enrich your anal toy collection with an inflatable plug toy. Well, here is a brief on some of the best inflatable butt plugs you may try out today.

Frisky Inflatable Butt Plug

If you are looking for  a great expandable butt plug within budget, this Frisky toy will be an amazing option for you. Insertion is a breeze and the toy expands to 3x its size when pumped up. Made from rubber, the toy works best with water-based lubricant.

Top features of the toy:

• Fast release valve that allows quick deflating
• Convenient insertion and inflation
• Very user-friendly
• Assures a solid “full” feel in just 3-4 pumps
• Very economical

Deluxe Wonder Inflatable Butt Plug Black

Boasting a cool 4” size, this toy is perfect who are okay with mid-sized butt plugs but aren’t ready enough to insert large sized toys. It inflates into a grand size so that you don’t have to miss out on the great  pleasure of a bigger toy even if you don’t want to insert a large size through your sphincter muscles. The hand-pump is a breeze to use. There is an in-built vibrator inside the toy that allows you to play with various settings.

Top features of the toy:

• Vibrator comes with various settings and a breeze to use
• Toy  features solid construction that allows easy insertion
• Allows you to customize your sensation through different vibrator settings
• Affordable and worth your money

Dark Inflator Anal Plug Silicone

Made of silicone, the plug assures a completely body-safe and extremely comfortable toy. While inflated, it can grow up till 2.5”. This is one of the reasons why it’s a top-seller on LP online store.

Top features of the toy:

• Stretchy silicone make that assures no risk of infection
• Tapered tip makes insertion a breeze
• Quick release valve that ensures instant relief

Vibrators are a true delight. They can arouse you to the T and take you to faster and stronger orgasms. You can use them solo or also with your partner. There are various postures and games that you can try with your vibrator toy. However, most of these toys don’t come with instruction manual which makes things slightly confusing for a first time user. Are you too new to the buzz world? You must be craving for that awesome pleasure with the toy that you have always heard of. Much to your convenience, the post below offers a brief on how to explore and have fun with your vibrator toy.

Buy the right one

Your experience with your vibrator will depend a lot on the specific toy you buy. For example, if you are using the toy for the first time, a glass toy could feel hard on your skin. According to experts, newbies should always start with something soft, such as https://lovegasm.co/collections/massager-wand-magic. If your first experience with the toy becomes uncomfortable, you will be apprehensive of using the toy later. Once your body gets seasoned to the toy, you can slowly graduate to the tougher materials like glass or metal.

Then, again, you have to be careful of the size of the toy.  For example, if you are planning a vibrator with double penetration, don’t buy a toy too large. Bigger toys are for experienced users. When you are a beginner, start small. Besides, if you have fantasies to use a vibrator in shower, look for waterproof toy.

Prep up the toy

The first thing to do before using a vibrator is to prep it up. The primary task here is to clean and sanitize it. Invest in a good adult toy cleaner and wipe your toy with it. Do not ever use antibacterial soap or detergent here as traces of such soaps could be dangerous for your vagina. Don’t forget to take the batteries out of your vibrator while cleaning it. After you have wiped it, let it dry. Once it has completely dried up, you can put the batteries back in it. Now, you will have to charge the toy.

Prep yourself

Although a vibrator looks tempting yet you can’t just start off immediately. You need to set up an ambience and the right mood. Get a warm bath to relax yourself. Put on a sexy lingerie and turn on some light music. You may also watch porn or read an erotica to create the right mood. Once you are set, take the vibrator and get ready for action.

Fly solo

It’s better to explore the toy alone when you use it for the first time. Presence of your partner could make you self-conscious and you won’t be able to be free with the toy. Thus, your first session with the toy should always be solo. Make sure there is nobody in the room.

Keep lights on

It might not be a comfortable sight to see yourself massaging your vagina with a vibrator. But remember, you are using the toy for the first time. You are not that confident with it as you still don’t know how to use it properly. So, let the lights stay on so that you can see and study the entire scene. It will enable you to discover the exact places on body that are more receptive to the toy and stimulation. Put simply, you will get a clear picture of how your body feels in response to the toy. Once you get a vivid idea of the whole thing, you will definitely try the toy in the dark.

Start experimenting

First, you will turn off the toy. Touch your body with it and try to get the feel. Run it all across your body and take it down under. If you feel okay, you can turn the toy on. A vibrator toy generally comes with variety of speed levels and buzz patterns. Since it’s your first time, start from the lowest setting. Take the toy to hands and feet. See how it feels. If you feel nice, run it on navel, belly, thigh, neck, shoulders and even scalp. Once you start absorbing the vibe, you can slowly take it down to your vagina or clit.

Use lube for penetration

Are you planning to invest in a penetrating vibe? Well,  in that case, it’s indispensable to use a good lube. Lubrication would make the passage easy and allow a seamless entry inside you. You should put lube both on the toy and around the vaginal passage. After you lube up, insert the toy gently and begin to enjoy the buzz.

Experiment with speed and pressure

After you get set with the toy, you can slowly increase the speed level. Go up a step higher with speed. If you enjoy it, relax and enjoy the buzz. Don’t put too much pressure as it would only lower down the buzz. In case, the vibe seems to be too strong initially, place a towel in between the toy and you. The bottom-line is you have to keep on experimenting with a lot of things here till you get your ideal speed level and position.

Final words

As mentioned previously, your experience with a vibrator depends a lot on the product that you purchase. It’s better to buy a toy that can be returned if found to be ineffective. When you are buying online, you can’t always be sure of the actual product. So, look for a store and model that can be returned easily on client dissatisfaction. If you find your toy with sharp seams or edges, it won’t be comfortable. If you find the toy damaged, you won’t be able to use it. So, in all such unwanted instances, make sure not to use the toy and return. You should also make it a point to focus on a highly rated product and store to ensure no such mishaps.

The question which has asked above is a responsible question and a complicated one. As per my views, let me explain everything about this. From the scratch of emotion towards any person is a self asking a question. Staying in any relationship and then ditching your partner for another person to fulfill your physical and psychological desires isn’t a choice to exercise. Yesterday I was going through the same kind of question asked above, the question belongs to a married person, he says he had been married since 18 years, having two children but his wife is in love with someone else from last six years. He knows about it but unable to do anything, he was asking whether he should allow her to marry him?

These are the problems that a lot of families are facing and becoming common these days. In this type of issue where the partner is having a relationship outside their marriage, other person or even the involved person doesn’t know how to handle the whole situation which creates a huge impact on families, especially in children. In the present time, if we just look why it happens, what to do when it happens and what kind of impact it is creating, how it can be resolved with the thought of continuing the relationship. If we take any major decision like allowing your partner to marry the person, it can create an inevitable effect on family and on children which can be harmful to their future ventures.

An extramarital affair is a relationship which takes place outside the marriage, between two individual who is not married to each other. It is also called adultery. We, humans, value love, affection, and the attachment for these emotions we get connected to others. We are all into relationship with the belief system that we are supposed to get loved, get respect, get appreciation and get acceptance from the other side.

And then when we don’t find it coming, forgetting very conveniently that it was not about getting, it is about giving. What happens is at home while living with the person for a quite long time we tend to change our partner as per our thinking because of other belief systems that my way is right. And to be happy you have to be the way I want you to be. That change doesn’t seem to pursued by the person but it results in fights and estrangement.

When we try to keep on changing our partner’s thoughts and mindset, results in not accepting them as they are and it is the root cause of disappointment and pique between two people. It is basically the lack of acceptance that causes rejection. This can happen between any of the two individuals into a family, a lot of rejection from family members tends to lack of attachment from them and then when you find someone else who do not demand any changes, keep on accepting you as you result into attachment and affection towards that person.

The state of mind is holding all the power of attachments and relationship we are living with. If my state of mind is stable while being with you, then everything will work out smoothly. But in the case of the instability of my mind due to some action of yours might be harmful to our relationship because it will keep on nagging me and irritating me resulting in moving away from you. Due to some belief system of ours in any relationship can cause the person to create negative energy around us. This negative energy will cause problems and issues in our relationship. that’s how it begins.

I think extramarital affairs can damage a marriage, family, and emotions of many people around us. This extramarital affair is used to signify a romantic relationship or encounter an external bond that takes place between a married person and someone other than their spouse. The main aim of having an extramarital relationship is to gain physical pleasure or to gain the power of acceptance and to fetch mental stability.

In the case of women betraying their partner is due to unsatisfied desires which get fulfilled by another person. Some kind of not being happy in the relationship and then getting attached somewhere else is the reason for treason for their families’ future. If you ask them about the repercussion of this are and yet they are doing this, they will reply that at least there is someone who can accept as they are, even appreciate and shows concern for them. They think that if the person who can keep them happy and joyful then why society abandons this kind of connection.

Actually, in any husband and wife relationship, they take care of each other but they have so much to take care of. Like the husband is responsible for earning and to satisfy household needs, the wife is in charge of taking care of the husband along with household chores. So when the feeling of rejection comes it demands acceptance with internal mutual care, that the bond is lacking somewhere.

In our Indian culture where marriages are not only a procession it had been compared to many holy and sacred ceremonies, where the connection exists for life even we believe that wedding is the symbol of eternal love not only between partners but it is for two families. It had been said in our holy books that relationship lasts more than life even for seven life of an individual. It is that much pure in our country. We are religious people and we believe in spirituality where weddings are for making bond sacred between two people. Marriages are not only for completing each other’s physical needs, but it is also about sharing an unadulterated bond for the rest of life.

Reasons for extramarital affairs

• unsatisfied desires
• past relations
• lack of acceptance
• lack of respect
• lack of mutual understanding
• absence of physical satisfaction
• emotional dissatisfaction
• intellectual dissatisfaction
• lack of trust
• career issue
• some kind of crisis in the middle of smooth life
• lack of affection towards the partner

The impact created by an extramarital affair

• can spoil the life of children
• can cause a psychological effect on the partner
• spoils the relation of two families
• cause bad impact on children
• can break the other person for life

Sometimes getting into a new relationship seems exciting and adventurous but the real truth behind sharing the intimacy can be bitter. Maybe you will feel best by getting into a relationship but after a certain time, the person can get changed all at sudden after enjoying with you. Even supreme court of India has struck off section 347 of Indian Penal code act making adultery legal not for romance but for dignity, equality and women empowerment so that the women should not suffer from any kind of misbehavior. According to the supreme court decision, adultery can be done with the consent of wife else lover will be charged for rape, making it ground of divorce. Making it legal doesn’t mean that it is right, it is made legal so that the women are not supposed to suffer.

Adultery is a choice to make. I have mentioned all the pros and cons of extramarital affairs. According to me, even if you aren’t getting caught by your spouse do not do such kind of activities by cheating your partner to gain short time pleasure. It may give short term happiness but can hurt you, even more, when one day you’re a partner will find out. It will make things sour later because there exists a fear of being caught. The feeling of guilt can make things worse between you and your lover. Because if a person can be loyal to its family, they will never be loyal towards anyone. It is a form of fun and guilt in the same part. Adultery can be a degree of shame and fluster for themselves.

Life is a blend of happiness and sorrow. Sometimes life is as beautiful as spring while on the other hand, it can become as dry as autumn. Married couples are meant to live together always. On that point of life when you will feel that yeah things are not working out together, then you can go away from that person. By the way, we should keep on trying to make things work. If your partner does not respect you and doesn’t care about you anymore for a long time. Then you are allowed to live separately. Every individual has the rights to take the decision of their life meanwhile keep yourself updated from every small detail of your partner. Do the things which you think you are not going to repent ever in your life. Life is all yours, take the decisions wisely. Marriage is considered a sacred ceremony in India and I think having an extramarital affair is committing desecration and can be equal as a sin.

Have you ever been at that point in your life where you’re guilty of not feeling guilty about something? You just do something that you know is wrong in so many ways and yet you are not regretting it, neither do you feel guilty about it. In fact, you derive pleasure from it. You’re happy, you can’t stop thinking about it, and somewhere at the end, you wish for it to happen again. Why? That damn pleasure! The pleasure of satisfaction!

Well, something of such sort just happened to me. I know that I should he guilty about it or regret it. But I just don’t. I can’t forget how intense and how satisfactory that moment was. I can’t get it off my mind. I can’t stop thinking about how happy I was. How satisfied I was with the moment and him.

I’m married from past 3 years and the fun fact is that the moment I just talked about doesn’t involve my husband. Yes, it wasn’t him but somebody very close to him. Somebody who was around for years but never seemed to be the same way he did that day. Somebody, who knows my husband better than me, maybe enough to know, how his wife wasn’t happy. Enough to know that his wife was seeking pleasure. Enough to actually do it himself. Yes, it was none other than my husband’s best friend who shook my world that day with the moves and consistency I was dying for a long time.

It all started with the day when I was awaited at the dinner by my husband because he couldn’t get off soon from his office. And this wasn’t really the first time he did it. It happened often turning us into fights and distress that would never end. Emotionally, I have broken already. Maybe it wasn’t just his fault but my expectations with this marriage were way too high. It was all good when we were dating and having sex that rocked my world every time. But as soon as the commission came in and I ended up proposing him, everything changed.

His priorities, his interests, his schedule, and his skills in bed. Just soon enough, I was feeling unsatisfied and somebody who hasn’t had a good time in a very long phase. But, just like any wife who loves her husband would do, I thought of giving it another chance. It was our wedding anniversary and the day we met as well. What better way than that to make things better? I got all ready with flowers and fragrance all around the home and candles lit in our room. That sexy black lingerie I had my eyes upon since a long time, finally got ordered. I left him a message saying “come home soon and have a night you’re never gonna forget”. Well, the text was sent, seen but not replied. I thought he might be busy but will come back home soon. I was definitely wrong with what I thought. He stood me up all night and got back home at 11 pm all tired. Just saying “I’m very tired” he went off to sleep.

There it was, my anniversary all spoiled and my hopes for making things better all shattered into pieces. I had the food I made for him and went to sleep in the “guestroom”. Remember how I said that things started this day? That is because just after this day I slept with a mind-set that my marriage is over, and I’m no longer looking for any false hopes. Just the next morning, my husband woke up, asking for breakfast as usual. I ignored when he was calling my name. I pushed my face into the pillow and tried not to hear his voice. He came to the room and asked me why I’m asleep here and not in the main bedroom. I asked him the day of our wedding anniversary and all I got as an answer was a sorry face with no words uttered. But wait, I did send him the message that he saw, then how come he didn’t remember the anniversary. I asked him the same and he had that numb face like he had no idea what message I was talking about. I was confused but ignored thinking that he might just have forgotten about the message because of the work.

Things between us then were pretty bad. We were not even sleeping in the same bed and what was hurting me was that he wasn’t even trying. Days passed, and I had made up my mind about getting a divorce but planned to tell him after I’ve got the papers and everything ready. I went to my lawyer, talked to him and got to learn a shocking fact that my husband got the divorce papers ready already. I was feeling betrayed and hurt. I wanted to know, what reasons he has for the divorce. So, I ended up in his office during the lunchtime.

As soon as I reached the office, I was told by one of my husband’s colleagues that he never stays in the office for lunch. I was doubtful and thought that he might be having an affair with another woman. Then something struck me and that was the message that I sent him on the day of our anniversary. I sent it at lunchtime which someone saw, but not him. I was standing all shocked and shattered just when my husband calls my name. He entered with his best friend into the office who worked at the same place as well. He told me that they both went to the tea stall just outside the office to smoke some cigarettes and had lunch their only. I was convinced. But the reason for divorce was yet to be asked.

My husband was called by his superior and there I was left with him alone, the best friend. Me and his best friend knew each other since college times when we all were Friends but couldn’t stay the same as soon as I started dating. He looked at me with a big smile on his face and I tried to do it as well. But, failed miserably. He asked me if I had food and I said no. He asked me out for lunch. We went to the cafe we all used to go together back in college. He asked me what was wrong between me and my husband. Maybe I was so much hurt or I didn’t have anybody to talk to that I fessed up all my pain and sorrow in front of him. He came and held me into his arms and consoled me. He offered to take me home. Just when we reached, he was about to leave. I stopped him.

I held his hand and made him sit beside me. I asked him why my husband was planning to divorce me and all he had to say was that he’s changed. He’s not the same anymore. I started crying when he again held me in his arms, this time I felt warm and safe. After a long time, I was being held by somebody like that. It was an intense moment, and I kissed him. That didn’t end there. He kissed me back. The way he was pressing his body against me, the way he was touching me was amazing. So, amazing that I felt like grabbing him and throwing him into the bed just then. But guess what, I didn’t have to do it. He did it by himself.

After a long time, I was having the time of my life. I was having the sex that I desired. The moment that had me so stuck that I wanted it to happen again and again. It was great- he said after we were all dressed up. I wasn’t crying anymore. I was just pressing my thighs against each other to control what I was feeling sexy and said- I don’t know if it’s right or wrong but I don’t regret what just happened. Because I had something that I was being mad for. He held my hand, smiled and left.

I didn’t know what that smile meant. I didn’t know why he let it happen. I didn’t know what was awaiting next. But I definitely knew that I just had sex that I’m never going to forget.

But, just after I had a nap and woke up, I realized that the relationship I’m dragging since such a long time made no sense now. I called my husband to know where he was so that we could talk. One of his staff members attended the call and told me that he and his best friend were not at the office and he forgot his phone there. It was past the timings of the office so I thought that they might be at his best friend’s home and decided to end things with both of them together. I reached my best friend’s home. What I saw next was unbelievable. I saw both of them in the same bed. Turned out that my husband discovered his homosexuality after getting married and his best friend as we all knew was always bisexual.

I grinned at the fact that my husband didn’t know that the love of his life slept with both of us on the same day. I didn’t even want to talk about it anymore so I decided to leave with no regret for anything that happened because at the end of the day it was just too amazing.

Your wedding vows talk about a lifetime together, a life of unwavering loyalty, one of getting old together, through good and bad times. But as years pass by, that spurt of love turns into monotony.

This is when you discover the glitches in your ‘happily ever after’. And then enters the one we call an extra marital affair. Most of the times, he is the one who is also married.You both enter in it for fun and presume that you both can handle this relationship without disturbing your married lives. This special one makes you feel the soul connect with great sex, compassion and understanding that seemed to have gone missing from your marriage. Life suddenly becomes perfect again.

Angela Green, a famous author and therapist addressed a gathering recently where she spoke extensively about the term infidelity. She said, “An affair brings together three key elements: a secretive relationship, which is the core structure of an affair; an emotional connection to one degree or another; and a sexual alchemy. And alchemy is the key word here, because the erotic frisson is such that the kiss that you only imagine giving, can be as powerful and as enchanting as hours of actual lovemaking. As Marcel Proust said, it’s our imagination that is responsible for love, not the other person.”

The one thing that people entering extra marital affairs underestimate the most is their emotions. And this changes the dynamics of the affair faster than they know. Sexual emotions are the strongest human emotions there can be and they can make you vulnerable to a degree that you can’t fathom at the beginning.

And this is when, the same affair that appeared like your redemption at first turns ugly. On condition of anonymity, Kanika shares, “I fell neck deep in love with this guy I met over a work meeting. When he abruptly ended the affair because I wanted more out of it, I wondered why I philandered. My husband never stopped loving me and I have an ever so adorable toddler, then why?”

Delhi-based life coach John Sage explains, “Men and women are wired differently. In case of a woman’s brain, sex and love are wired together, while in men, love means love and sex means sex. They rarely confuse the two. Sadly, the way woman handles an extra-marital affair is troublesome. For them, the affair starts by fulfilling emotional needs and then they start taking them very seriously. Most affairs end due to mismatch of emotional and sexual needs.”

Surprisingly, when we enter an affair, most often than not, we are not turning away from our partner but from the person that we have become over time. In general, the life of an extra-marital affair is not too long. It can last from a few months to maybe a few years. Dr Rashi Ahuja, counseling psychologist online explains, “Every relationship has a honeymoon period. This period is all about feeling alive, feeling loved and wanted. And after this period ends, it starts to get boring. The same holds true for extra marital affairs.”

And there are times when these affairs make you see ‘good’ in your married partner. “Most married people entering an affair compare their spouses to the person, sometimes leading to a situation where they are reminded of traits that they once adored in their married partners,” adds Dr Rashi.

Not all affairs are about getting over life’s monotony or a craving for being desired. Some affairs are karmic. John elaborates, “There are times when you meet someone outside the marriage and you instantly feel the connect. It is not a sexual attraction at first but you feel an intense pull towards that person. They are basically souls with whom you have unfinished business. You will experience a constant thirst to be with that person and you won’t find peace unless you indulge in that person in some way.”

You like it or not, affairs are here to stay. As we read this, they are happening at your workplace, in your neighborhood and maybe somewhere in your family too. And whenever they end, they will not only end up in hurt or betrayal but in lessons. Lessons of growth and discovery.

Extramarital affairs are as universal is the institution of marriage. Two people from opposite gender fall in love and start the journey of re-creation, growth, and survival with a commitment to never breach the trust. Under this social contract of marriage, couple live together and look after each other so that fulfill each other’s need for better health, wealth, and well-being. Then something unknown happens someday when someone enters your life to act as catalysts to break the trust.

It is a fact that marriage is not just a physical union but union of ideas and emotions. The inherent nature of dynamism in ideas and emotions driven by triangular play chemicals in our brain makes it a challenging task to sustain the relationship on the same scale forever. The institution of marriage has several advantages from the family, growth, safety, sustenance, peace and happiness perspective. But, at the same time, we see numerous cases of transgression in our society. Why this deviation from the normal path, when everything looks very bright and rosy?

You, Me and “Who”

We all claim that we know the “our-self”, but the unfortunate reality is that this awareness of self is situation and context-driven which easily gets manipulated with the change in the situation. When it comes to marriage, we claim so about the partner also knowing fully that this confidence of knowing the partner is as fragile as sand-house. Fact of life is, no one is complete, in one sense or other, and we look for completeness through association. We, humans, are conditioned to seek approval and validation at every stage of life. One’s the search for approval and validation lead one to look beyond marriage giving birth to the extramarital relationship.

This all begins with emotional need gratification from the third person, but as the relationship matures it takes the shape and romance and then physical relationship. It has been observed that the extramarital affair between two people normally fails the durability test, but during that duration, it destroys the whole fabric of the family.

This phase of instability when you start questioning all your values, believes and principles pushed you towards extreme distress. This normally makes one angry and frustrated resulting in aggressiveness and friction. However, this is the moment when you need to control your emotions and think meticulously and act according to plan.

Steps to recover from an extramarital affair

We all know that any friction of any nature in a relationship, whether induced by an extramarital affair, make a deep impact on both the partners and kids. The moment you come to know about your partners’ extramarital relationship it surprises you then shocks you pushing you to ask why me? This devastates emotions so badly that self-esteem hits the bottom resulting in the life-long legacy of hurt, distrust, and anger. On the other hand, the offender grapples with shame and retributions from different sources.
Whatever is your point of view, but the unfortunate reality is that affairs are universal phenomena. The scale and intensity might vary but this has been found in all type of socio-economic and cultural setup. Knowingly or unknowingly we all get driven by the urge, some manage to control and some fall in the line. So, it is better to acknowledge the reality and learn how to cope with it and if possible bring the warmness back in the married life.

Learn to Control Reaction

The moment you come to know about the transgression, you fall in the grip of emotions generated by the sense of betrayal. It is very normal that you will get distressed and feel neglected. In such a situation it is advisable to talk with someone you trust and express your point of view. Accepting the reality of affair, it is good for you to seat with your partner and listen to each other’s view patiently. A healthy communication has the quality to heal. Just keep your ego aside, forget the power struggle and give your wonderful memories a chance.

Fact-Finding

Although it is very high demand from any victim to start the fact-finding mission in such moment of despair and pain, the real facts come to ground in the moment of heat. Hold your ground, and try to find the causes of transgression so that you could focus on them. If we leave some cases of sexual addition driven extramarital affairs, it has been found that most of the cases are relationship issue in which emotional need for gratification and validation come from outside. The knowing and accepting the causes dilutes the mental resistance and solves half of the problem.

Be Accountable

We all commit mistakes of different scale and nature. But, as a responsible human being, we accept our mistakes and show the desired accountability. The speed and effectiveness of recovery would be strong if the offender comes forward and accepts the mistake. However, this acceptance should be genuine; otherwise, the after-effect would be devastating beyond recovery.

Past Imperfect

Tough for anyone to accept, but it has been proven through research that there could be historical linkages behind the behavior of transgression. If your memory is full of stories of extramarital affairs from real life, it is likely that you will have higher level acceptance of this behavior. This conditioning may tempt you to try an extramarital relationship. To recover from the shock of extramarital affair you have to find the historical linkage, if any, and learn to unlearn it.

Show Responsibility

The big-heartedness, not so easy to have it in such a situation, is the key to recover quickly from the shock of an extramarital relationship. As a victim, you have to break the ego barrier and come forward to show some level of responsibility. This helps in building a nurturing base normalize the situation. You have to accept the fact that there might be some unknown push factors from your side which might have pushed your partner towards external emotional support system. You have to understand the complicated response mechanism and make room for your partner to come out of the emotional trap.

Talk to Listen

The mountain of distress starts building when the communication weakens. This could be an indicator for you to understand the dynamism of two-way communication where you have to listen also. A healthy relationship has a strong ingredient of healthy communication where you feel free to express your emotions. The best possible remedy of recovery from an extramarital affair is open communication where you could discuss all issues openly.

Life is Great

Individuality matters for all of us, but when it comes to married life it is the togetherness of ideas and emotion that helps you build a great family. As a parent, you don’t have the right to spoil your kids future just because there is some chemical imbalance in your brain. To recover from the shock of extramarital affair you can your happy moments to heal the wounds. Those beautiful memories will help you find solutions.

Acceptance of reality is the key to tension free life. An affair is also a reality, accept it, give your best effort to save it, if it works fine otherwise move ahead. You know all possible reasons why an affair happens accordingly understand the human need of notice, value, and validation and bring it in practice for a joyful life.

Feeling devastated by breach of trust and faith, take a step back, think, control your emotion and express it smartly to recover quickly.

The hard fact of the world of a committed relationship is the existence of extramarital affair. We may love not to talk about it openly or better like to ignore it under the assumption that our bond is stronger and nothing can breach this trust. If we go by the stories shared by victims of extramarital affairs, they were also under the same assumption until that shock and surprise knocked at the door one day tearing apart the finely woven fabric of the family.

Interestingly, the extramarital affair is a universal phenomenon happening everywhere without any advantages and disadvantages of socio-economic or cultural identities. Studies suggest that the universality of the affairs is because of the common evolutionary conditioning for dynamism in love, pleasure, belongingness, self-actualization, and validation. We, humans, are wired to explore experiment and seek rewards. Accordingly, we create an image of self and seek approval and validation of those personality traits. Once these approval and validation stops coming from the partner we start seeking them from outside. A little cue of validation from anyone attracts you towards the source resulting in the birth of affair.

Simple observation of cases in the public domain suggests that there a set pattern that unfolds starting from escapism and moves to external validation seeking, primary stage secrecy, public exposure, acceptance & discord followed by divorce, marriage, and divorce again.

Most Scandalous Extramarital Affairs

Modern history is full of stories of extramarital affairs and how it shaped the lives of those involved in it. As said, it is rampant in all possible socio-economic hierarchies but we come to know about only those few that come into public life. Here are some of the most popular affairs in recent history:

Mary-Shelley Affair

This is one of the most scandalous affairs of the literary world; you can call it Frankenstein affair. This all began in 1814 when 16-year old Marry Godwin met 21-year old romantic but married poet Percy Bysshe Shelley. Just like a fantastic plot, they met in secret resulting into pregnancy and leaving of a wife.

The Frankenstein moment hits when Shelly’s pregnant wife commits suicide by drowning in Hyde Park. The Marry-Shelly marriage happens but short-lived as Shelly also committed suicide a year later. Interestingly, the idea of the world-famous novel Frankenstein was conceived during that period in 1816.

Catherine-Potemkin Affair

It is a perfect story with ingredients of power, love, lust, sacrifice, and revenge in royal background. This all begins when 33-year old Catherine the Great finds 22-year old dashing commander Grigory Potemkin and uses his military skill to overthrow incapable husband Czar Peter III in 1762. She found a good looking great counselor, commander to fulfill all her ambition and needs. Unfortunately, the steamy relationship ended too soon as Potemkin died untimely. This relationship helped in shaping history by one of the most powerful women in history.

Dickens-Nelly Affair

Creative passion creates an unknown vacuum, and normal regular emotions cannot find space in that vacuum. The midlife crisis in the life of literary superstar and father of nine kids Charles Dickens happened in 1857 when the 45-year-old genius entered in an adulterous affair with 18-year-old actress Ellen “Nelly” Ternan. Everything looked perfect in married life with name, fame, wealth, power and good family comprising nine kids. This affair just destroyed his family but the relation with Nelly sustained until death. However, his effort to hide the affair in secrecy inspired the characters for his later novels, including Great Expectation and Estella.

Henry-Anne Affair

It is one of the most meticulously shared affairs from the annals of history through movies, books, and television shows and has a very strong connect with public imagination. Little deep digging suggests that Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn were in an intimate relationship prior to the marriage and the annulment of the first marriage to Catherine of Aragon. This effort to legitimize the marriage led to the break of the English empire from the Roman Catholic Church. Meanwhile, Anne gave birth to the future Elizabeth I and was beheaded.

Taylor-Burton Affair

It is a perfect example of affair grooming in a distance-proximity context involving highly successful celebrities. Two highly successful married actors, Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton away from the real-life of the family develops a strong and intimate relationship while acting in Cleopatra (1963). The strong love-lust relationship culminates into marriage with 10-years of super-hyped life. The relationship takes an ugly turn in 1974 resulting in divorce, remarriage, and divorce again.

Sinatra-Gardner Affair

The affair begins when the “The Rat Pack” legend starts when Frank starts dating actress Ava Gardener in 1943. Attracted by the beauty of the actress, the legendary singer leaves his sweetheart Nancy behind and marries the actress in 1951. Just like any other emotion-driven relation, this also ended in divorce six years later.

Eddie-Elizabeth Affair

This could be one of the most famous triangular affairs in celebrity history. A beloved husband falls in love with your most trusted fired. The emotional paradox isn’t. The actress Debbie Reynolds finds at a dinner party that her singer husband Eddie Fisher is in love with friend Elizabeth Taylor. Later in 1959, Elizabeth married Eddie but opted to split in 1964.

June-Johnny Affair

Emotional world is fragile at least when we see from a celebrity perspective. It took Johnny Cash just a fraction of second to breach the trust of “I Walk the Line” with Vivian Cash. The trigger to breach came in 1956 from the country singer June Carter. The friction culminated into divorce despite several attempts to reconcile. Ultimately, Johnny married June in 1968 and spent life together for the best part of life until 2003.

Prince Charles-Parker Affair

It was like a volcanic eruption in the world of relationship. Although not a new phenomena in royalty, but his openness was really a surprise for everyone. Apart from the element of surprise in Princess Dianna and Prince of Wales, it was known to her that the price loved in Camilla Parker Bowles. It became officially known Dianne in the year 1986 but it took another six-year to verify it when the taped conversations were leaked. The royal divorce happened in 1996 and a year later she died in a car accident. Price married Camilla in 2005.

Arnold-Mildred Affair

This story is like a terminator is on or eraser mission to transgress. The shock to the famous journalist wife of Arnold Schwarzenegger came in 2011 when he made it public that he was in a relationship with housekeeper Mildred Patricia Baena in 1997 and fathered a son. Wife of terminator Maria filed for divorce following the exposure but the story continues as politics is in between.

Britney-Timberlake Affair

Rhythm is not always divine. The iconic duo of 2000s Britney & Justine parted away in 2002, as rumors erupted about the singer’s intimate relationship with dance choreographer Wade Robson. Although the official reason made public by Britney was “mismatch of need” between stars, the rumor mill suggests that something strong was brewing on the dance floor.

Berry-Benet Affair

No one is immune, even Oscars can’t save you from adultery. Everything was perfect between Halle Berry and R&B singer Eric Benet until she came to know about the cheating. All efforts to reconcile went in vain and resulted in a split in 2003. Both moved on their path.

Pitt-Aniston Affair

What a love story, a perfect plot to build a romantic story. The trilogy starts in 2004 when Aniston announces her desire to start a family with Pitt but rumours started erupting in the same year about Pitt’s intimate relationship with “Mr. & Mrs. Smith” co-star Angelina Jolie. The flood of rumours and no clarification resulted in a split in 2005. Nine years later, the most handsome couple promised each other to love forever but all ended in 2016.

Letterman-Birkitt Affair

This could one of the best survivor stories from the celebrity club. All ingredients of an illicit affair, red-handed catch, ransom threat and apology followed by survival all in one story. David Letterman successfully managed to hide his relationship with Late Show assistant Stephanie Birkitt, until her boyfriend caught them red-handed in a car in 2008. The boyfriend was arrested for ransom threat. Interestingly, David openly apologized on-air to his wife Regina Lasko. The good part was, the relationship survived, despite the scandal.

Woods-Elin Affair

The world’s best golfer turns out to be a sex addict with affairs with more than 15 women. What else one could expect other than beating from the wife. That is exactly what happened with Tiger Woods. Then-wife Elin Nordegren chased Woods when she came to know that he is sexually involved with nightclub hostess Rachel Uchitel. Once the canister opened, it turned out that it was not one or two but 15 women. The Tiger entered rehab in 2009 and in 2010 the star of the golf finally agreed to sign divorce papers.

And the list is endless with the common factor of search of validation from the other-self, which one creates within the mental frame. This is never-ending the saga of dynamism in emotions but your learning helps you to master the art of controlling emotions. With this art of control, you can save your relationship with not just wife but your kids as well.

Unfortunately, no matter how much couples brag about concepts like true love, soul mates and ideal marriage—infidelity exists and things do fall apart sometimes. What seemed like a perfect relationship in the beginning might end up going sour and partners turning disloyal. That’s the bitter truth. Period. Here are some real extra-marital confessions…

Confession #1

“My husband and I never had good compatibility. After a few months of our marriage, he got a job abroad and shifted there, leaving me alone. Soon, we grew further apart, both physically and emotionally. A year passed by, and he still had no intentions of calling me there or coming here to meet me. Frustrated, one day I installed a dating app and ended up meeting a divorced guy who was genuinely interested in me. We are in a relationship now, and I plan to disclose this to my husband once he comes to India.” Roshni Jha, 33

Confession #2

“I was forced to get married by my parents and even after putting sincere efforts, I could not strike a bond with my wife. We are simply two different people who have different views on everything. I hate to confess but I talk to other girls about my problems and future plans. I share with them what I should ideally be sharing with my wife.” Sahil Behl, 31

Confession #3

“I have no regrets for having an extra-marital affair, and in fact, I am about to file for a divorce. My husband is an alcoholic and used to abuse me physically and mentally. After being harassed for years, I fell in love with my colleague. After a few months of dating, I told my husband about this affair and left him.” Garima Tyagi, 27

Confession #4

“I kind of had this nature since my teens—I could not stick to one person for a long time. After two years of being married, I cheated my wife and had an affair with one of my ex-girlfriends. She still does not know about it.” Shashank Lohia, 34

Confession #5

“I had a healthy relationship with my husband for about 10 years of our marriage.We had a beautiful life together but I soon started losing my emotional connection with him. His daily routine was all about going to office, and coming back home for dinner and retire to his bedroom. This boredom led me to wander off for some time. But I soon realised my mistake and started making efforts to make our relationship work.” Nitya Choudhary, 36