Is it still wrong to have an extramarital affair even if you don’t get caught?

The question which has asked above is a responsible question and a complicated one. As per my views, let me explain everything about this. From the scratch of emotion towards any person is a self asking a question. Staying in any relationship and then ditching your partner for another person to fulfill your physical and psychological desires isn’t a choice to exercise. Yesterday I was going through the same kind of question asked above, the question belongs to a married person, he says he had been married since 18 years, having two children but his wife is in love with someone else from last six years. He knows about it but unable to do anything, he was asking whether he should allow her to marry him?

These are the problems that a lot of families are facing and becoming common these days. In this type of issue where the partner is having a relationship outside their marriage, other person or even the involved person doesn’t know how to handle the whole situation which creates a huge impact on families, especially in children. In the present time, if we just look why it happens, what to do when it happens and what kind of impact it is creating, how it can be resolved with the thought of continuing the relationship. If we take any major decision like allowing your partner to marry the person, it can create an inevitable effect on family and on children which can be harmful to their future ventures.

An extramarital affair is a relationship which takes place outside the marriage, between two individual who is not married to each other. It is also called adultery. We, humans, value love, affection, and the attachment for these emotions we get connected to others. We are all into relationship with the belief system that we are supposed to get loved, get respect, get appreciation and get acceptance from the other side.

And then when we don’t find it coming, forgetting very conveniently that it was not about getting, it is about giving. What happens is at home while living with the person for a quite long time we tend to change our partner as per our thinking because of other belief systems that my way is right. And to be happy you have to be the way I want you to be. That change doesn’t seem to pursued by the person but it results in fights and estrangement.

When we try to keep on changing our partner’s thoughts and mindset, results in not accepting them as they are and it is the root cause of disappointment and pique between two people. It is basically the lack of acceptance that causes rejection. This can happen between any of the two individuals into a family, a lot of rejection from family members tends to lack of attachment from them and then when you find someone else who do not demand any changes, keep on accepting you as you result into attachment and affection towards that person.

The state of mind is holding all the power of attachments and relationship we are living with. If my state of mind is stable while being with you, then everything will work out smoothly. But in the case of the instability of my mind due to some action of yours might be harmful to our relationship because it will keep on nagging me and irritating me resulting in moving away from you. Due to some belief system of ours in any relationship can cause the person to create negative energy around us. This negative energy will cause problems and issues in our relationship. that’s how it begins.

I think extramarital affairs can damage a marriage, family, and emotions of many people around us. This extramarital affair is used to signify a romantic relationship or encounter an external bond that takes place between a married person and someone other than their spouse. The main aim of having an extramarital relationship is to gain physical pleasure or to gain the power of acceptance and to fetch mental stability.

In the case of women betraying their partner is due to unsatisfied desires which get fulfilled by another person. Some kind of not being happy in the relationship and then getting attached somewhere else is the reason for treason for their families’ future. If you ask them about the repercussion of this are and yet they are doing this, they will reply that at least there is someone who can accept as they are, even appreciate and shows concern for them. They think that if the person who can keep them happy and joyful then why society abandons this kind of connection.

Actually, in any husband and wife relationship, they take care of each other but they have so much to take care of. Like the husband is responsible for earning and to satisfy household needs, the wife is in charge of taking care of the husband along with household chores. So when the feeling of rejection comes it demands acceptance with internal mutual care, that the bond is lacking somewhere.

In our Indian culture where marriages are not only a procession it had been compared to many holy and sacred ceremonies, where the connection exists for life even we believe that wedding is the symbol of eternal love not only between partners but it is for two families. It had been said in our holy books that relationship lasts more than life even for seven life of an individual. It is that much pure in our country. We are religious people and we believe in spirituality where weddings are for making bond sacred between two people. Marriages are not only for completing each other’s physical needs, but it is also about sharing an unadulterated bond for the rest of life.

Reasons for extramarital affairs

• unsatisfied desires
• past relations
• lack of acceptance
• lack of respect
• lack of mutual understanding
• absence of physical satisfaction
• emotional dissatisfaction
• intellectual dissatisfaction
• lack of trust
• career issue
• some kind of crisis in the middle of smooth life
• lack of affection towards the partner

The impact created by an extramarital affair

• can spoil the life of children
• can cause a psychological effect on the partner
• spoils the relation of two families
• cause bad impact on children
• can break the other person for life

Sometimes getting into a new relationship seems exciting and adventurous but the real truth behind sharing the intimacy can be bitter. Maybe you will feel best by getting into a relationship but after a certain time, the person can get changed all at sudden after enjoying with you. Even supreme court of India has struck off section 347 of Indian Penal code act making adultery legal not for romance but for dignity, equality and women empowerment so that the women should not suffer from any kind of misbehavior. According to the supreme court decision, adultery can be done with the consent of wife else lover will be charged for rape, making it ground of divorce. Making it legal doesn’t mean that it is right, it is made legal so that the women are not supposed to suffer.

Adultery is a choice to make. I have mentioned all the pros and cons of extramarital affairs. According to me, even if you aren’t getting caught by your spouse do not do such kind of activities by cheating your partner to gain short time pleasure. It may give short term happiness but can hurt you, even more, when one day you’re a partner will find out. It will make things sour later because there exists a fear of being caught. The feeling of guilt can make things worse between you and your lover. Because if a person can be loyal to its family, they will never be loyal towards anyone. It is a form of fun and guilt in the same part. Adultery can be a degree of shame and fluster for themselves.

Life is a blend of happiness and sorrow. Sometimes life is as beautiful as spring while on the other hand, it can become as dry as autumn. Married couples are meant to live together always. On that point of life when you will feel that yeah things are not working out together, then you can go away from that person. By the way, we should keep on trying to make things work. If your partner does not respect you and doesn’t care about you anymore for a long time. Then you are allowed to live separately. Every individual has the rights to take the decision of their life meanwhile keep yourself updated from every small detail of your partner. Do the things which you think you are not going to repent ever in your life. Life is all yours, take the decisions wisely. Marriage is considered a sacred ceremony in India and I think having an extramarital affair is committing desecration and can be equal as a sin.

How I slept with my husband’s best friend and did not regret it? 

Have you ever been at that point in your life where you’re guilty of not feeling guilty about something? You just do something that you know is wrong in so many ways and yet you are not regretting it, neither do you feel guilty about it. In fact, you derive pleasure from it. You’re happy, you can’t stop thinking about it, and somewhere at the end, you wish for it to happen again. Why? That damn pleasure! The pleasure of satisfaction!

Well, something of such sort just happened to me. I know that I should he guilty about it or regret it. But I just don’t. I can’t forget how intense and how satisfactory that moment was. I can’t get it off my mind. I can’t stop thinking about how happy I was. How satisfied I was with the moment and him.

I’m married from past 3 years and the fun fact is that the moment I just talked about doesn’t involve my husband. Yes, it wasn’t him but somebody very close to him. Somebody who was around for years but never seemed to be the same way he did that day. Somebody, who knows my husband better than me, maybe enough to know, how his wife wasn’t happy. Enough to know that his wife was seeking pleasure. Enough to actually do it himself. Yes, it was none other than my husband’s best friend who shook my world that day with the moves and consistency I was dying for a long time.

It all started with the day when I was awaited at the dinner by my husband because he couldn’t get off soon from his office. And this wasn’t really the first time he did it. It happened often turning us into fights and distress that would never end. Emotionally, I have broken already. Maybe it wasn’t just his fault but my expectations with this marriage were way too high. It was all good when we were dating and having sex that rocked my world every time. But as soon as the commission came in and I ended up proposing him, everything changed.

His priorities, his interests, his schedule, and his skills in bed. Just soon enough, I was feeling unsatisfied and somebody who hasn’t had a good time in a very long phase. But, just like any wife who loves her husband would do, I thought of giving it another chance. It was our wedding anniversary and the day we met as well. What better way than that to make things better? I got all ready with flowers and fragrance all around the home and candles lit in our room. That sexy black lingerie I had my eyes upon since a long time, finally got ordered. I left him a message saying “come home soon and have a night you’re never gonna forget”. Well, the text was sent, seen but not replied. I thought he might be busy but will come back home soon. I was definitely wrong with what I thought. He stood me up all night and got back home at 11 pm all tired. Just saying “I’m very tired” he went off to sleep.

There it was, my anniversary all spoiled and my hopes for making things better all shattered into pieces. I had the food I made for him and went to sleep in the “guestroom”. Remember how I said that things started this day? That is because just after this day I slept with a mind-set that my marriage is over, and I’m no longer looking for any false hopes. Just the next morning, my husband woke up, asking for breakfast as usual. I ignored when he was calling my name. I pushed my face into the pillow and tried not to hear his voice. He came to the room and asked me why I’m asleep here and not in the main bedroom. I asked him the day of our wedding anniversary and all I got as an answer was a sorry face with no words uttered. But wait, I did send him the message that he saw, then how come he didn’t remember the anniversary. I asked him the same and he had that numb face like he had no idea what message I was talking about. I was confused but ignored thinking that he might just have forgotten about the message because of the work.

Things between us then were pretty bad. We were not even sleeping in the same bed and what was hurting me was that he wasn’t even trying. Days passed, and I had made up my mind about getting a divorce but planned to tell him after I’ve got the papers and everything ready. I went to my lawyer, talked to him and got to learn a shocking fact that my husband got the divorce papers ready already. I was feeling betrayed and hurt. I wanted to know, what reasons he has for the divorce. So, I ended up in his office during the lunchtime.

As soon as I reached the office, I was told by one of my husband’s colleagues that he never stays in the office for lunch. I was doubtful and thought that he might be having an affair with another woman. Then something struck me and that was the message that I sent him on the day of our anniversary. I sent it at lunchtime which someone saw, but not him. I was standing all shocked and shattered just when my husband calls my name. He entered with his best friend into the office who worked at the same place as well. He told me that they both went to the tea stall just outside the office to smoke some cigarettes and had lunch their only. I was convinced. But the reason for divorce was yet to be asked.

My husband was called by his superior and there I was left with him alone, the best friend. Me and his best friend knew each other since college times when we all were Friends but couldn’t stay the same as soon as I started dating. He looked at me with a big smile on his face and I tried to do it as well. But, failed miserably. He asked me if I had food and I said no. He asked me out for lunch. We went to the cafe we all used to go together back in college. He asked me what was wrong between me and my husband. Maybe I was so much hurt or I didn’t have anybody to talk to that I fessed up all my pain and sorrow in front of him. He came and held me into his arms and consoled me. He offered to take me home. Just when we reached, he was about to leave. I stopped him.

I held his hand and made him sit beside me. I asked him why my husband was planning to divorce me and all he had to say was that he’s changed. He’s not the same anymore. I started crying when he again held me in his arms, this time I felt warm and safe. After a long time, I was being held by somebody like that. It was an intense moment, and I kissed him. That didn’t end there. He kissed me back. The way he was pressing his body against me, the way he was touching me was amazing. So, amazing that I felt like grabbing him and throwing him into the bed just then. But guess what, I didn’t have to do it. He did it by himself.

After a long time, I was having the time of my life. I was having the sex that I desired. The moment that had me so stuck that I wanted it to happen again and again. It was great- he said after we were all dressed up. I wasn’t crying anymore. I was just pressing my thighs against each other to control what I was feeling sexy and said- I don’t know if it’s right or wrong but I don’t regret what just happened. Because I had something that I was being mad for. He held my hand, smiled and left.

I didn’t know what that smile meant. I didn’t know why he let it happen. I didn’t know what was awaiting next. But I definitely knew that I just had sex that I’m never going to forget.

But, just after I had a nap and woke up, I realized that the relationship I’m dragging since such a long time made no sense now. I called my husband to know where he was so that we could talk. One of his staff members attended the call and told me that he and his best friend were not at the office and he forgot his phone there. It was past the timings of the office so I thought that they might be at his best friend’s home and decided to end things with both of them together. I reached my best friend’s home. What I saw next was unbelievable. I saw both of them in the same bed. Turned out that my husband discovered his homosexuality after getting married and his best friend as we all knew was always bisexual.

I grinned at the fact that my husband didn’t know that the love of his life slept with both of us on the same day. I didn’t even want to talk about it anymore so I decided to leave with no regret for anything that happened because at the end of the day it was just too amazing.

Why extra marital affairs could be right

Your wedding vows talk about a lifetime together, a life of unwavering loyalty, one of getting old together, through good and bad times. But as years pass by, that spurt of love turns into monotony.

This is when you discover the glitches in your ‘happily ever after’. And then enters the one we call an extra marital affair. Most of the times, he is the one who is also married.You both enter in it for fun and presume that you both can handle this relationship without disturbing your married lives. This special one makes you feel the soul connect with great sex, compassion and understanding that seemed to have gone missing from your marriage. Life suddenly becomes perfect again.

Angela Green, a famous author and therapist addressed a gathering recently where she spoke extensively about the term infidelity. She said, “An affair brings together three key elements: a secretive relationship, which is the core structure of an affair; an emotional connection to one degree or another; and a sexual alchemy. And alchemy is the key word here, because the erotic frisson is such that the kiss that you only imagine giving, can be as powerful and as enchanting as hours of actual lovemaking. As Marcel Proust said, it’s our imagination that is responsible for love, not the other person.”

The one thing that people entering extra marital affairs underestimate the most is their emotions. And this changes the dynamics of the affair faster than they know. Sexual emotions are the strongest human emotions there can be and they can make you vulnerable to a degree that you can’t fathom at the beginning.

And this is when, the same affair that appeared like your redemption at first turns ugly. On condition of anonymity, Kanika shares, “I fell neck deep in love with this guy I met over a work meeting. When he abruptly ended the affair because I wanted more out of it, I wondered why I philandered. My husband never stopped loving me and I have an ever so adorable toddler, then why?”

Delhi-based life coach John Sage explains, “Men and women are wired differently. In case of a woman’s brain, sex and love are wired together, while in men, love means love and sex means sex. They rarely confuse the two. Sadly, the way woman handles an extra-marital affair is troublesome. For them, the affair starts by fulfilling emotional needs and then they start taking them very seriously. Most affairs end due to mismatch of emotional and sexual needs.”

Surprisingly, when we enter an affair, most often than not, we are not turning away from our partner but from the person that we have become over time. In general, the life of an extra-marital affair is not too long. It can last from a few months to maybe a few years. Dr Rashi Ahuja, counseling psychologist online explains, “Every relationship has a honeymoon period. This period is all about feeling alive, feeling loved and wanted. And after this period ends, it starts to get boring. The same holds true for extra marital affairs.”

And there are times when these affairs make you see ‘good’ in your married partner. “Most married people entering an affair compare their spouses to the person, sometimes leading to a situation where they are reminded of traits that they once adored in their married partners,” adds Dr Rashi.

Not all affairs are about getting over life’s monotony or a craving for being desired. Some affairs are karmic. John elaborates, “There are times when you meet someone outside the marriage and you instantly feel the connect. It is not a sexual attraction at first but you feel an intense pull towards that person. They are basically souls with whom you have unfinished business. You will experience a constant thirst to be with that person and you won’t find peace unless you indulge in that person in some way.”

You like it or not, affairs are here to stay. As we read this, they are happening at your workplace, in your neighborhood and maybe somewhere in your family too. And whenever they end, they will not only end up in hurt or betrayal but in lessons. Lessons of growth and discovery.

How to recover after finding out your partner is having an extramarital affair?

Extramarital affairs are as universal is the institution of marriage. Two people from opposite gender fall in love and start the journey of re-creation, growth, and survival with a commitment to never breach the trust. Under this social contract of marriage, couple live together and look after each other so that fulfill each other’s need for better health, wealth, and well-being. Then something unknown happens someday when someone enters your life to act as catalysts to break the trust.

It is a fact that marriage is not just a physical union but union of ideas and emotions. The inherent nature of dynamism in ideas and emotions driven by triangular play chemicals in our brain makes it a challenging task to sustain the relationship on the same scale forever. The institution of marriage has several advantages from the family, growth, safety, sustenance, peace and happiness perspective. But, at the same time, we see numerous cases of transgression in our society. Why this deviation from the normal path, when everything looks very bright and rosy?

You, Me and “Who”

We all claim that we know the “our-self”, but the unfortunate reality is that this awareness of self is situation and context-driven which easily gets manipulated with the change in the situation. When it comes to marriage, we claim so about the partner also knowing fully that this confidence of knowing the partner is as fragile as sand-house. Fact of life is, no one is complete, in one sense or other, and we look for completeness through association. We, humans, are conditioned to seek approval and validation at every stage of life. One’s the search for approval and validation lead one to look beyond marriage giving birth to the extramarital relationship.

This all begins with emotional need gratification from the third person, but as the relationship matures it takes the shape and romance and then physical relationship. It has been observed that the extramarital affair between two people normally fails the durability test, but during that duration, it destroys the whole fabric of the family.

This phase of instability when you start questioning all your values, believes and principles pushed you towards extreme distress. This normally makes one angry and frustrated resulting in aggressiveness and friction. However, this is the moment when you need to control your emotions and think meticulously and act according to plan.

Steps to recover from an extramarital affair

We all know that any friction of any nature in a relationship, whether induced by an extramarital affair, make a deep impact on both the partners and kids. The moment you come to know about your partners’ extramarital relationship it surprises you then shocks you pushing you to ask why me? This devastates emotions so badly that self-esteem hits the bottom resulting in the life-long legacy of hurt, distrust, and anger. On the other hand, the offender grapples with shame and retributions from different sources.
Whatever is your point of view, but the unfortunate reality is that affairs are universal phenomena. The scale and intensity might vary but this has been found in all type of socio-economic and cultural setup. Knowingly or unknowingly we all get driven by the urge, some manage to control and some fall in the line. So, it is better to acknowledge the reality and learn how to cope with it and if possible bring the warmness back in the married life.

Learn to Control Reaction

The moment you come to know about the transgression, you fall in the grip of emotions generated by the sense of betrayal. It is very normal that you will get distressed and feel neglected. In such a situation it is advisable to talk with someone you trust and express your point of view. Accepting the reality of affair, it is good for you to seat with your partner and listen to each other’s view patiently. A healthy communication has the quality to heal. Just keep your ego aside, forget the power struggle and give your wonderful memories a chance.

Fact-Finding

Although it is very high demand from any victim to start the fact-finding mission in such moment of despair and pain, the real facts come to ground in the moment of heat. Hold your ground, and try to find the causes of transgression so that you could focus on them. If we leave some cases of sexual addition driven extramarital affairs, it has been found that most of the cases are relationship issue in which emotional need for gratification and validation come from outside. The knowing and accepting the causes dilutes the mental resistance and solves half of the problem.

Be Accountable

We all commit mistakes of different scale and nature. But, as a responsible human being, we accept our mistakes and show the desired accountability. The speed and effectiveness of recovery would be strong if the offender comes forward and accepts the mistake. However, this acceptance should be genuine; otherwise, the after-effect would be devastating beyond recovery.

Past Imperfect

Tough for anyone to accept, but it has been proven through research that there could be historical linkages behind the behavior of transgression. If your memory is full of stories of extramarital affairs from real life, it is likely that you will have higher level acceptance of this behavior. This conditioning may tempt you to try an extramarital relationship. To recover from the shock of extramarital affair you have to find the historical linkage, if any, and learn to unlearn it.

Show Responsibility

The big-heartedness, not so easy to have it in such a situation, is the key to recover quickly from the shock of an extramarital relationship. As a victim, you have to break the ego barrier and come forward to show some level of responsibility. This helps in building a nurturing base normalize the situation. You have to accept the fact that there might be some unknown push factors from your side which might have pushed your partner towards external emotional support system. You have to understand the complicated response mechanism and make room for your partner to come out of the emotional trap.

Talk to Listen

The mountain of distress starts building when the communication weakens. This could be an indicator for you to understand the dynamism of two-way communication where you have to listen also. A healthy relationship has a strong ingredient of healthy communication where you feel free to express your emotions. The best possible remedy of recovery from an extramarital affair is open communication where you could discuss all issues openly.

Life is Great

Individuality matters for all of us, but when it comes to married life it is the togetherness of ideas and emotion that helps you build a great family. As a parent, you don’t have the right to spoil your kids future just because there is some chemical imbalance in your brain. To recover from the shock of extramarital affair you can your happy moments to heal the wounds. Those beautiful memories will help you find solutions.

Acceptance of reality is the key to tension free life. An affair is also a reality, accept it, give your best effort to save it, if it works fine otherwise move ahead. You know all possible reasons why an affair happens accordingly understand the human need of notice, value, and validation and bring it in practice for a joyful life.

Feeling devastated by breach of trust and faith, take a step back, think, control your emotion and express it smartly to recover quickly.

What are the most scandalous extramarital affairs ever recorded?

The hard fact of the world of a committed relationship is the existence of extramarital affair. We may love not to talk about it openly or better like to ignore it under the assumption that our bond is stronger and nothing can breach this trust. If we go by the stories shared by victims of extramarital affairs, they were also under the same assumption until that shock and surprise knocked at the door one day tearing apart the finely woven fabric of the family.

Interestingly, the extramarital affair is a universal phenomenon happening everywhere without any advantages and disadvantages of socio-economic or cultural identities. Studies suggest that the universality of the affairs is because of the common evolutionary conditioning for dynamism in love, pleasure, belongingness, self-actualization, and validation. We, humans, are wired to explore experiment and seek rewards. Accordingly, we create an image of self and seek approval and validation of those personality traits. Once these approval and validation stops coming from the partner we start seeking them from outside. A little cue of validation from anyone attracts you towards the source resulting in the birth of affair.

Simple observation of cases in the public domain suggests that there a set pattern that unfolds starting from escapism and moves to external validation seeking, primary stage secrecy, public exposure, acceptance & discord followed by divorce, marriage, and divorce again.

Most Scandalous Extramarital Affairs

Modern history is full of stories of extramarital affairs and how it shaped the lives of those involved in it. As said, it is rampant in all possible socio-economic hierarchies but we come to know about only those few that come into public life. Here are some of the most popular affairs in recent history:

Mary-Shelley Affair

This is one of the most scandalous affairs of the literary world; you can call it Frankenstein affair. This all began in 1814 when 16-year old Marry Godwin met 21-year old romantic but married poet Percy Bysshe Shelley. Just like a fantastic plot, they met in secret resulting into pregnancy and leaving of a wife.

The Frankenstein moment hits when Shelly’s pregnant wife commits suicide by drowning in Hyde Park. The Marry-Shelly marriage happens but short-lived as Shelly also committed suicide a year later. Interestingly, the idea of the world-famous novel Frankenstein was conceived during that period in 1816.

Catherine-Potemkin Affair

It is a perfect story with ingredients of power, love, lust, sacrifice, and revenge in royal background. This all begins when 33-year old Catherine the Great finds 22-year old dashing commander Grigory Potemkin and uses his military skill to overthrow incapable husband Czar Peter III in 1762. She found a good looking great counselor, commander to fulfill all her ambition and needs. Unfortunately, the steamy relationship ended too soon as Potemkin died untimely. This relationship helped in shaping history by one of the most powerful women in history.

Dickens-Nelly Affair

Creative passion creates an unknown vacuum, and normal regular emotions cannot find space in that vacuum. The midlife crisis in the life of literary superstar and father of nine kids Charles Dickens happened in 1857 when the 45-year-old genius entered in an adulterous affair with 18-year-old actress Ellen “Nelly” Ternan. Everything looked perfect in married life with name, fame, wealth, power and good family comprising nine kids. This affair just destroyed his family but the relation with Nelly sustained until death. However, his effort to hide the affair in secrecy inspired the characters for his later novels, including Great Expectation and Estella.

Henry-Anne Affair

It is one of the most meticulously shared affairs from the annals of history through movies, books, and television shows and has a very strong connect with public imagination. Little deep digging suggests that Henry VIII and Anne Boleyn were in an intimate relationship prior to the marriage and the annulment of the first marriage to Catherine of Aragon. This effort to legitimize the marriage led to the break of the English empire from the Roman Catholic Church. Meanwhile, Anne gave birth to the future Elizabeth I and was beheaded.

Taylor-Burton Affair

It is a perfect example of affair grooming in a distance-proximity context involving highly successful celebrities. Two highly successful married actors, Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton away from the real-life of the family develops a strong and intimate relationship while acting in Cleopatra (1963). The strong love-lust relationship culminates into marriage with 10-years of super-hyped life. The relationship takes an ugly turn in 1974 resulting in divorce, remarriage, and divorce again.

Sinatra-Gardner Affair

The affair begins when the “The Rat Pack” legend starts when Frank starts dating actress Ava Gardener in 1943. Attracted by the beauty of the actress, the legendary singer leaves his sweetheart Nancy behind and marries the actress in 1951. Just like any other emotion-driven relation, this also ended in divorce six years later.

Eddie-Elizabeth Affair

This could be one of the most famous triangular affairs in celebrity history. A beloved husband falls in love with your most trusted fired. The emotional paradox isn’t. The actress Debbie Reynolds finds at a dinner party that her singer husband Eddie Fisher is in love with friend Elizabeth Taylor. Later in 1959, Elizabeth married Eddie but opted to split in 1964.

June-Johnny Affair

Emotional world is fragile at least when we see from a celebrity perspective. It took Johnny Cash just a fraction of second to breach the trust of “I Walk the Line” with Vivian Cash. The trigger to breach came in 1956 from the country singer June Carter. The friction culminated into divorce despite several attempts to reconcile. Ultimately, Johnny married June in 1968 and spent life together for the best part of life until 2003.

Prince Charles-Parker Affair

It was like a volcanic eruption in the world of relationship. Although not a new phenomena in royalty, but his openness was really a surprise for everyone. Apart from the element of surprise in Princess Dianna and Prince of Wales, it was known to her that the price loved in Camilla Parker Bowles. It became officially known Dianne in the year 1986 but it took another six-year to verify it when the taped conversations were leaked. The royal divorce happened in 1996 and a year later she died in a car accident. Price married Camilla in 2005.

Arnold-Mildred Affair

This story is like a terminator is on or eraser mission to transgress. The shock to the famous journalist wife of Arnold Schwarzenegger came in 2011 when he made it public that he was in a relationship with housekeeper Mildred Patricia Baena in 1997 and fathered a son. Wife of terminator Maria filed for divorce following the exposure but the story continues as politics is in between.

Britney-Timberlake Affair

Rhythm is not always divine. The iconic duo of 2000s Britney & Justine parted away in 2002, as rumors erupted about the singer’s intimate relationship with dance choreographer Wade Robson. Although the official reason made public by Britney was “mismatch of need” between stars, the rumor mill suggests that something strong was brewing on the dance floor.

Berry-Benet Affair

No one is immune, even Oscars can’t save you from adultery. Everything was perfect between Halle Berry and R&B singer Eric Benet until she came to know about the cheating. All efforts to reconcile went in vain and resulted in a split in 2003. Both moved on their path.

Pitt-Aniston Affair

What a love story, a perfect plot to build a romantic story. The trilogy starts in 2004 when Aniston announces her desire to start a family with Pitt but rumours started erupting in the same year about Pitt’s intimate relationship with “Mr. & Mrs. Smith” co-star Angelina Jolie. The flood of rumours and no clarification resulted in a split in 2005. Nine years later, the most handsome couple promised each other to love forever but all ended in 2016.

Letterman-Birkitt Affair

This could one of the best survivor stories from the celebrity club. All ingredients of an illicit affair, red-handed catch, ransom threat and apology followed by survival all in one story. David Letterman successfully managed to hide his relationship with Late Show assistant Stephanie Birkitt, until her boyfriend caught them red-handed in a car in 2008. The boyfriend was arrested for ransom threat. Interestingly, David openly apologized on-air to his wife Regina Lasko. The good part was, the relationship survived, despite the scandal.

Woods-Elin Affair

The world’s best golfer turns out to be a sex addict with affairs with more than 15 women. What else one could expect other than beating from the wife. That is exactly what happened with Tiger Woods. Then-wife Elin Nordegren chased Woods when she came to know that he is sexually involved with nightclub hostess Rachel Uchitel. Once the canister opened, it turned out that it was not one or two but 15 women. The Tiger entered rehab in 2009 and in 2010 the star of the golf finally agreed to sign divorce papers.

And the list is endless with the common factor of search of validation from the other-self, which one creates within the mental frame. This is never-ending the saga of dynamism in emotions but your learning helps you to master the art of controlling emotions. With this art of control, you can save your relationship with not just wife but your kids as well.

5 real extra-marital affair confessions

Unfortunately, no matter how much couples brag about concepts like true love, soul mates and ideal marriage—infidelity exists and things do fall apart sometimes. What seemed like a perfect relationship in the beginning might end up going sour and partners turning disloyal. That’s the bitter truth. Period. Here are some real extra-marital confessions…

 

Confession #1

“My husband and I never had good compatibility. After a few months of our marriage, he got a job abroad and shifted there, leaving me alone. Soon, we grew further apart, both physically and emotionally. A year passed by, and he still had no intentions of calling me there or coming here to meet me. Frustrated, one day I installed a dating app and ended up meeting a divorced guy who was genuinely interested in me. We are in a relationship now, and I plan to disclose this to my husband once he comes to India.” Roshni Jha, 33

 

Confession #2

“I was forced to get married by my parents and even after putting sincere efforts, I could not strike a bond with my wife. We are simply two different people who have different views on everything. I hate to confess but I talk to other girls about my problems and future plans. I share with them what I should ideally be sharing with my wife.” Sahil Behl, 31

 

Confession #3

“I have no regrets for having an extra-marital affair, and in fact, I am about to file for a divorce. My husband is an alcoholic and used to abuse me physically and mentally. After being harassed for years, I fell in love with my colleague. After a few months of dating, I told my husband about this affair and left him.” Garima Tyagi, 27

 

Confession #4

“I kind of had this nature since my teens—I could not stick to one person for a long time. After two years of being married, I cheated my wife and had an affair with one of my ex-girlfriends. She still does not know about it.” Shashank Lohia, 34

 

Confession #5

“I had a healthy relationship with my husband for about 10 years of our marriage.We had a beautiful life together but I soon started losing my emotional connection with him. His daily routine was all about going to office, and coming back home for dinner and retire to his bedroom. This boredom led me to wander off for some time. But I soon realised my mistake and started making efforts to make our relationship work.” Nitya Choudhary, 36

5 Major Effects of Extra-Marital Affairs

What Impact Does an Affair Have on the Victim Spouse?

When one partner goes outside of the relationship for emotional or physical needs, the other partner may end the relationship, or forgive and stay in it, but either way, extra-marital affairs have major, negative effects that can be felt for some time.

1. Damage to Self Esteem:

The person who has been cheated on will suffer a blow to his or her self esteem. They may have the usual thoughts of, “Was I not enough?” or “If I hadn’t let myself go this would not have happened.” Just as children tend to blame themselves for their parents’ divorce, many victims of an affair respond to an affair by blaming themselves. The decision to cheat was not yours, and although their have been problems in the relationship, you did not make the decision to have an affair. Chances are it had much more to do with a deficiency in your partner than in you.

2. Loss of Trust in the Cheating Spouse:

The victim of an affair will find it difficult to trust. He or she may doubt their judgment of others. Even if this relationship ends, and another begins, the baggage of infidelity can follow. It is important to deal with your trust issues, even if it means getting professional help to do so. You and your future partner will be grateful in the long run that you dealt with the negative consequences of the affair.

3. A Sense of Emotional Instability:

You may feel your world has turned upside down. The things in your life that gave you a sense of security have been shattered. It is normal to feel like the rug has been pulled out from under you. It is important to find that sense of stability inside yourself. Look at your survival skills from the past and realize you can cope with this, too.

4. A Roller Coaster of Emotions:

One minute you may feel like crying, the next screaming. You may blame him today, blame her tomorrow, and blame yourself at the same time. It is common when facing infidelity to feel a myriad of emotions. Realize this is normal. Feel what you are feeling and work through it. Don’t stuff your feelings. Seek outside help if you need someone to talk to about how you are feeling or if you are feeling overwhelmed.

5. Impacts all Areas of Life:

Extra-marital affairs can cause a ripple effect in your life. You may find yourself looking differently at your job, your friends, your life choices. This can be either positive or negative, but most victims of an affair say that it brought on changes in all other areas of their lives. It’s important that you not make changes to major areas of your life while in the midst of the emotional turmoil that accompanies an affair.

There are many reasons for cheating, usually it is done without much thought or consideration of the effects it can have on the other person. However, the effects can be devastating and take a long time to get over and work through. It is important that you address these effects, and find ways to work through them. Build a support network of family and friends, your clergy, professional counselors, or anyone else you can trust to help you overcome these effects and move on to a better future.

Marital Infidelity: Recovery for Both Wounded Spouses

There is nothing simplistic about it — it’s heartrending. It’s a place in which you never thought you’d find yourself, or you never dreamt that couple would find themselves. It’s a pain no couple plans to share: infidelity.

According to research done by John & Marsh in the Journal of Research in Personality, approximately 30 percent to 60 percent of all married individuals in the United States will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage. In this day and age, financial stress, parenting issues, disagreements over work-and-home balance, social media temptations, pornography and an array of other issues all have the potential to lead a couple down the road to infidelity.

Jerry was the football player, and Nikki was the beauty he dated throughout college. Shortly after graduation they married, and Jerry began to pursue his dream of attending medical school. They soon added two babies to their family, and life seemed full. It all felt wonderful as Jerry began to complete the last stage of medical school.

But things began to crumble when Jerry learned he hadn’t passed a necessary exam and couldn’t proceed without it. Nikki continued to pray and support him. She even held down the fort while Jerry traveled to a review class hundreds of miles away. The distance between Jerry and Nikki could be felt not just physically, but emotionally, as they both pursued good things — just separately. Nikki started to notice some unusual behavior in Jerry. He had more frequent trips away to “study,” and he engaged in private phone calls at odd hours of the night. Things just weren’t adding up. With complete heartbreak, Nikki’s greatest fears came true when she learned that Jerry had met a young female medical student who was studying to pass the same exam. At first it wasn’t a full-blown affair, but it rapidly became one. Nikki didn’t know what to do other than seek God and the help of godly friends who would walk with her as she fought to save her marriage.

Discovering and defining

Discovering an affair can cause deep and intense emotional pain. If you’ve been there, my heart goes out to you. The sense of betrayal, loss of trust and the sting of deception can be overwhelming. Typically this triggers deep emotions in both the partner being cheated on and in the spouse involved in the affair.

To be certain we are on the same page, infidelity is defined by Merriam-Webster as “the act or fact of having a romantic or sexual relationship with someone other than one’s husband [or] wife.” Infidelity can also include an emotional connection without physical intimacy. It is often reported that the betrayal felt with an emotional affair can be equally as intense as that felt with a sexual affair. Either way, trust is broken, and the emotional impact of the affair is devastating.

During the discovery of any extramarital affair, many questions surface about the true colors of the marriage relationship. Typically, the unfaithful spouse is found to have struggles with low self-esteem, alcoholism, drug abuse or even a sexual addiction. Additionally, marital issues that may have been brewing for years are often uncovered. Typically, these will be unspoken matters that have increasingly caused disconnection, silence and a gradual separating of hearts between spouses. But the affair isn’t going to be the answer to any of the marital concerns. An affair is often born out of a fantasy in which an individual seeks to escape the reality of either individual or marital problems. And the person outside the marriage is often seen as the temporary solution to real-life challenges.

Encouragement and recovery

If you, like Jerry and Nikki, have experienced an affair in your marriage, I want to support you and offer some direction on how to save your marriage.

First, I encourage you not to make any quick decisions about ending your marriage. Take your time and do the hard work of understanding what was behind the affair. During this time, you will need to give each other space — possibly a temporary separation. Because of the deep emotions associated with betrayal and grief that often follow the discovery of an affair, the needed space is encouraged. This may look different for every couple, so I encourage you to do this under the guidance of a counselor, trusted friend or pastor. Nikki depended largely on a group of godly girlfriends who surrounded her as she considered what her next steps might be.

As I proceed in this discussion, I really want to address both parties involved in an extramarital affair: the offended spouse (the one who has been cheated on) and the unfaithful spouse.

Recovery for the offended

If you recently discovered your spouse has been unfaithful, I want to offer some guidance.

You may be overwhelmed by the level of emotion you are experiencing. These emotions can range from utter devastation to intense sadness and everything in between. If you find yourself in a season like Nikki did, with small children to care for and a house to keep up, know that Nikki admitted, “Some days it was difficult to just get out of bed.” The challenge will be in trying to manage your emotions.

To function during this heart-wrenching stage of your family life, taking great care of yourself is essential. You’ll need to attend to your basic needs for food, sleep, exercise and healthy stress management. Although it may feel unrealistic at first, the more you can do to meet these basic needs amid the emotional turmoil, the healthier you will be.

As you walk this difficult path, you will probably have many questions about the details of the affair, your own value, your spouse’s true character and what you did to contribute to the situation. Give yourself permission to ask your spouse questions about the affair or your marriage relationship, requesting complete honesty and transparency when he or she answers. As you question your own value or worth — an anxiety that often results after being cheated on — I encourage you to turn to the Lord. Ask Him to speak to your wounded heart about what He sees when He looks at you and what the truth is about who you are. Remember that God is the only source of truth that is fully reliable and always available.

During this time you’ll need to seek the support of family and friends. The Enemy would love to feed you the lie that no one else has been down this road, and he’ll try to deceive you into remaining isolated and alone. Don’t give in to the Enemy’s lies! Seek the support of godly friends who are willing to stand with you to help fight for your marriage. We encourage you to consult only with same-sex friends so you protect yourself from temptation.

Focus on your heart. Although it may take time, this focus will include forgiving your spouse. First and foremost, this does not mean forgetting what has happened to you or what your spouse may have chosen to do. Simply put, forgiveness is something you choose because it is beneficial to your own heart.

Begin to understand what you did to contribute to the state of your marriage. Although you are not responsible for your spouse’s actions or choices, it can be helpful to discover what changes you can make to help heal the marriage relationship.

At this point in your experience, some of these suggestions may seem impossible, but be patient and take it one day at a time. Your loving heavenly Father can heal not only your heart, but your marriage, too. Nikki and Jerry can attest to this because they eventually reunited and added two more children to their family. They now use their story to encourage other couples to help them see that fighting for your marriage can be worth the effort.

What is the extramarital affair?

You, I and rest of us all came into existence because of the evolutionary urge of human to re-create, grow and survive and be secure. Driven by passion love, two people from opposite gender come together and form a bond of commitment called marriage and in due course give birth to kids to carry forward the evolutionary journey. Sounds very simple, isn’t it? The need for commitment arises from the fact that women need care, safety, security during pregnancy and post-birth. The marriage is simply a social contract to live together and look after each other and strive for better health, wealth, and well-being of kids. Marriage is the beginning of the journey of re-creation with life long-commitment to build a system of sustenance. However, marriage is not just a physical union but union of ideas and emotions. This bond of togetherness helps one fight socio-economic, survival and growth, emotional and spiritual challenges of life in a better manner.

Marriage has thousands of advantages and it is one of the strongest links of the evolutionary chain. We all know and accept it as sacrosanct, but at the same time, we see numerous cases of a breach in trust and maneuverability beyond the commitment. In an ideal state, we want our parents to remain committed to each other for life long, but when it comes to self we look for the simplest possible opportunity to look beyond marriage. Why this urge for the extramarital affair?

Extramarital Affair in context of Me, Myself and Who

You know who you are and elements that make you what you are. That is “Me & Myself”. No one is complete, in one sense or other. As we grow we start knowing this reality of missing-elements and try to find those elements in people with whom we come in contact. That is what is “who”. This search for missing element culminates into life-long commitment in the form of marriage. As said, marriage is not just a union of body but ideas and emotions. The unfortunate reality of human life is that there is an element of dynamism in ideas and emotional needs which change with time and accordingly your search re-starts giving birth to an extramarital affair.

Lets us understand what is an extramarital affair?

Simply put, an extramarital affair is a kind of romantic or emotional relationship beyond the commitment of marriage for the fulfillment of your desires, which varies from person to person. It can be just an attraction for sexual pleasure or need for ideological and emotional connectedness.  The extramarital affair between two people, although they fail the durability test, is considered a betrayal of trust and cause unnecessary distress in a normal relationship.

  • Types of Affairs

Based on the trigger factor, an extramarital affair can be of several types. Most common types are:

  • Romantic

This is one of the most prevalent types of the extramarital affair as a third person enters in between and triangle forms. Depending on the strength or weakness of any of the tri-point, the relationship could be acute, obtuse or right-angled.  Reasons could vary, but the common factor is the involvement of the heart. There is a high chance that your romance could culminate into a sexual relationship; however, this is not the sole cause of romantic extramarital affairs.

  • Mechanical

This is the type of extramarital affairs are mechanical in nature, driven by a bodily desire for intimate sex with someone you know personally. However, in such cases, there is no formalization in terms of commitment or romance in a relationship.

  • Emotional

Once you grow and your married bond matures, the urge of external emotional support system arises.  Although it is friendly in nature as you feel a strong bond with your partner but in the long run, it takes a different shape. One factor in emotional extramarital affairs is the lack of sexual intimacy. In terms of impact, this has a deeper impact on your marriage life as sex is a temporary desire but emotional support is very regular desire.

  • Digital

With the arrival of internet added with personal devices, a new form of trigger came into existence. The long-distance relationship with the unknown is a new phenomenon. People term it as a virtual extramarital affair. Although it has no direct impact on your married life if practiced for a longer period of time, the virtual reality starts impacting your real life. The medium of the communication might vary but it is an emotional bond with the unknown that starts impacting your married life.

To make long-distance relationship work, read these tips from Psychology Today.

How to avoid Extramarital Affair

It is a fact that the urge for dynamism in ideas and emotions pushes you towards the exploration of relationship beyond the marriage. It is highly likely that if you come across an opportunity, you might incline towards that an opportunity. Accepting this fact of dynamism is the first possible action to avoid extramarital affairs from happening.

  • Happiness Index

It is the need for fun, joy, pleasure, and happiness that brings to people together. If your marriage life has too many stress factors that push happiness out from the window, it is the first push towards an extramarital affair. You cannot stop stress, it is a fact, but if you visualize it then you can definitely diffuse it by maintaining a healthy exchange of idea with your partner. Your partner’s urge to escape will dissipate slowly. The higher the score in the happiness index, the lower are the chances of an extramarital affair.

  • Resist Duplicity

It has been observed that if you are exposed to the extramarital relationship during your upbringing, it is likely that you will develop a level of acceptance of it. The memory induced cognitive justification comes into play. Knowing your memory is of great help, if you know the source of your mental manipulation then you can easily control it. You have to focus on the outcome, not short term pleasure.

  • Personality

You know yourself and your partner; at least you can claim so. If your partner values risk-taking and excitement over stability, then you have to understand his/her escapist urge for exploration. Excitement is a basic component of the relationship, but the level and frequency matters. You have to talk about it with your partner and remain flexible in trying new things to bring an element of excitement in your married life.

  • Emotional Proximity

One of the biggest reasons behind the extramarital relationship is an emotional vacuum that creates when you show emotional dissonance with your partner. Marriage is all about understanding, if that thing is missing, then chances of an extramarital affair are very high. You have to be open about discussing reasons behind increasing emotional gap and try to fill that gap with required fillers.

  • Conflict Avoidance

It is a very natural first safety mechanism of survival. Unfortunately, it doesn’t work well when it comes to a healthy marriage. Those who avoid conflicting situation are like to express less resulting in the mental blockage. This blockage pushes one towards another point of attraction. So, it is good to build a system to express opinion openly and avoid extramarital affair situation.

  • Prioritization

We all in the grip of hyper demanding modern life, where we somehow forget about simple things as we take things for granted. If this is the situation, you are creating a perfect case of extramarital affairs. The ball is in your court, if not at the top, then at least give relationship 2nd or 3rd position in the priority list. Spare some time and share your emotions with your partner, this works like wonder.

  • Openness

We all have some personal secrets that we want to keep hidden in the memory vault forever. There is nothing wrong with having those secrets. The challenge arises when you open yourself in good faith and it backfires. You have to be very calculative in measuring how much you want to open yourself.

  • Hot Head

Disagreements are a natural outcome of agreements. The health of your married life and the likely chance of extramarital affair depending on how you resolve your disagreements in the quickest possible time. One of the time tested mantra is listening, waiting and then responding. In simple words, optimum warmness helps you enjoy your relationship and the moment the heat increases beyond the limit the search for emotional support begins. So, learn the art of anger control and avoid the chances of an extramarital relationship. 

We marry to enjoy the beauty of life as it gives you everything that a normal human being wants. It gives you the beginning of a family, a life partner to be a teammate to face challenges together, the sense of purity of relationship, a perfect atmosphere for your kids to grow and most importantly the unconditional love.

But the unfortunate reality of modern life is that almost half of the marriage fails due to one factor or the other. One of the biggest factors is extramarital relationships, might be temporary or virtual, but it spoils the purity of married life. It is very natural to get tempted by the desire of dynamism and freshness in a relationship to find emotional or physical gratifications. We are in control of your destiny, so you have played smart with the total understanding of the dynamism of the relationship and make adjustments accordingly.

 

 

26 facts about Extra marital affairs

Extramarital affairs are relationships outside of marriage where an illicit romantic or sexual relationship or a romantic friendship or passionate attachment occurs. … Sometimes these are explicit or assumed pre-conditions of a committed intimate relationship. Here are some facts about this type of affair:

1. Every affair starts with excitement then leads to regret

2. Women cheat more emotionally by connecting with another man and for some it leads to physical cheating. Men cheat more physically and hence can cheat with multiple women

3. The heart cannot multitask. At any given point, the heart will focus on one person. That is why you will start to give your spouse/partner less attention when you are cheating

4. Affairs will open up doors to your relationship/marriage that will be difficult to close

5. Affairs are an illusion that amount to nothing once you get caught

6. The person who is cheating with you will also cheat on you

7. If you are in a relationship/marriage, the person you are cheating with will soon leave for their real love after destroying your real love

8. Challenges in your relationship/marriage are not solved by looking for a distraction outside

9. Smart phones have aided unfaithfulness for many in our generation. Be smart with your smart phone

10. An affair is exciting because it is fresh. You had the same excitement when the love with your spouse/partner was fresh, that was the original, the affair is the counterfeit

11. Don’t let someone who doesn’t know the journey you and your spouse/partner has walked come to destroy what you have built for years

12. Most affairs start of as friendships that had no boundaries

13. The more you consume porn, the more likely you are to cheat as you seek to let loose the monster of lust you feed

14. Don’t blame your spouse/partner for cheating. It is a personal choice

15. At the work place, remain professional with your colleagues. It is easy to build an affair there because you interact with them more than with your spouse

16. Alot of cheating is happening in churches and religious settings but difficult to detect or even to address because many are hiding behind holy titles and protecting Godly reputations

17. Many parents think they are hiding their affairs or the effects of their affairs from their children but grown children can pick these things and you are hurting them

18. Affairs are expensive. They will cost you your time, money, relationship with God and character

19. Affairs will open up the door for other corrupt ways of your soul like lying, stealing, violence, insults, anger, paranoia and defensiveness

20. If you are in a relationship/marriage, some people will seduce you into an affair with them, not because they want to spend a lifetime with you; but to use you, to challenge themselves if they can get you, to act on their jealousy of the love you have or because they are a lost storm wrecking their own lives and that of others

21. If you were to put in to your relationship/marriage the same effort you put in the affair; calling, sweet words, gifts, dates; your relationship/marriage will be strong

22. The reason why your relationship or marriage is not growing and being blessed is because of your affair

23. The reason why you have been single for long is because you are entertaining, flirting and sexing taken people

24. Most affairs drag on because the two cheating despite knowing it is wrong, they keep lying to themselves “Let us meet and do it one last time”

25. Alot of men once they are caught cheating, claim that they are polygamous to cover up and legitimize their infidelity yet they married the wife promising her exclusivity and monogamy

26. A relationship/marriage can survive and thrive after infidelity only if the cheater changes, puts in the work and the two seek counselling, forgiveness and patiently go through the healing process